Reflections on the Snowstorm

For the last 2 weeks, Seattle has had uncommon weather. My husband was out of town the first weekend we got snow. I debated going to church that weekend. I was desperate to get out, longing to talk with friends, and seriously in need of worship (let alone someone else watching my kids for me for an hour). But, alas, I have the driveway from heck and had no confidence in navigating it with my 2 young boys.


Then it snowed anound 6 inches the next Thursday. And on top of that, we got 6 MORE inches on Saturday. I didn't want to miss church again. I hate the idea of everyone else making it in and I being the wienie who couldn't risk getting out of my driveway. I struggle with self-condemnation anyway and tend to beat myself up if others are making a sacrifice I feel that I should have been able to make.


In light of all that, I got the neatest email from my church on Saturday. It said something to the effect that all events were cancelled, stay home, and play in the snow. In light of my own church background and my tendency toward self-condemnation, this proclamation really ministered grace to me. I have grown up around a mentality that the more spiritual you are, the more you will endure to get to church. So those who are willing to risk getting stuck in the snow and potential hypothermia apparently love God more than those who opt to stay home in inclement weather. I have bought into that mentality for years, feeling particularly guilty when I was the one at home. However, as I examine that mentality against the gospel, I recognize that it is very much opposed to the truth of what we have in Christ.


I don't earn God's extra favor on me by trudging through the snow to church. I don't prove my love for Him by making such sacrifices either. The Bible has a much simpler litmus test for showing my committment as His disciple.

John 13:35 "By this will all men know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

I felt very loved by my church leaders when they told me to stay home and be safe. Their love and concern for my safety is also, according to this Scripture, testament that they are authentic disciples of Christ. They were living in light of the grace of the gospel, reminding me that I don't earn special favor from God for making unsafe choices for my family. All of my standing before God is earned by Christ's righteousness applied to my account. In light of that, I can REST. I don't have to strive to prove myself to Him. Jesus has proven Himself for me.


I hope you too are staying safe and warm in this crazy weather. And I hope you remember during this season of many obligations that you don't earn God's favor by burning the rope at both ends. Rest, dear sister. And please someone remind me of this when I start getting caught up again in the rat race of life once all this snow melts.


Happy New Year!

**Update--if your church had services during bad weather, please don't read this post as a condemnation of that (unless they implied that the people who came were more spiritual). I think most reading this blog love their church and would be disappointed if they couldn't go.

God With Us

For the first time in my 38 Christmases, I am doing an Advent Calendar. It's a simple set of stacked gift boxes numbered 1 to 25 that I got at Target on special discount because one of the doors is missing. We got a Play Mobil Manger Scene from Target as well. I am trying to read the boys the Christmas story and point out the people from the story in the manger scene before opening the Advent Calendar door for the day in which they get their gum ball or other candy. Next year, I'll stick pieces of the Play Mobil Manger Scene in the calendar instead of candy, but this year I wasn't that smart. Live and learn.


The great thing about observing advent this year is that it has caused ME as much as if not more than my boys to meditate on the coming of Jesus Christ--God with us. God came in human form and lowered Himself to be born in a manger with a cow and donkey as witness (if my Play Mobil set is to be believed). The humility of Jesus is one of the most intriguing concepts in all of Scripture to me.

Consider the magnificent description of Christ from Colossians 1.

15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

And contrast that with the humility He lived out for us and calls us to repeat in Philippians 2.

3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!

As I meditate on the example of Christ--lowering Himself to be born in a manger, to wash the feet of His disciples, and to die in the most shameful way before the very people He came to save--I get why God repeats in Proverbs, James, and I Peter that God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. May we be a humble people--not with simple politeness and sham diplomacy that masquerades as authentic humility--but people who are genuine servants esteeming others better than ourselves, letting go of our rights for the good of the cause of Christ. May we be like Jesus.

Merry Christmas.

The Worries of this Life

I wrote earlier this week about the parable of the seeds from Mark 4. Here is another part of that parable, this time quoted from Matthew 13.

22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

Jesus speaks of dual enemies that choke us from growth and fruit: the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth. I would sum these up with the phrase "suface-level distractions." By suface-level, I don't necessarily mean minor. Some of these things are big issues. However, they are big issues on the SURFACE of our lives that often distract us from the greater, deeper things God is working for us in places we cannot see.

You are a mature Christian. You have heard the Word and have studied the character of God and His plan for your righteousness in Scripture, but you are distracted away from him by some situation in your life. Maybe like me, instead of hard circumstances causing you to cling deeply to Him and to meditate on your relationship with him, you allow it to divert your focus away from Him. Christmas is a season of many surface-level distractions. Your car needs unexpected repairs, an inconvenience that disrupts and complicates your well-planned day. On top of that, you need to spend money you had set aside for other real needs. But your God is soverign, compassionate, and wise. He loves you and has plans for you set in motion from before time began. Do you allow these truths to interpret your circumstances, or do you allow your circumstances to distract you from these truths? The first option leads to fruit. The second choice strangles us.

We are called to set our minds on heavenly things, take our thoughts captive, submit to the truth of the Word, and keep our minds set steadfastly on God (see Colossians 3:1, 2 Cor. 10:5, Isaiah 26:3). In other words , our focus is to be on the eternal--heaven, Christ, and the kingdom of God. We are choked from fruitfulness when we become consumed with the cares of this temporary world, and in particular, the deceifulness of riches. Many Christians are more convinced of the reality of their daily problems than the reality of their God. We will never be fruitful for the Savior if we fail to look past our surface-level, earthly cares to see the heavenly reality beneath.

In an effort to capture my thoughts and make them submit to the truth of Scripture, I have found Ephesians 1 very helpful in getting a good perspective of my heavenly reality in Christ.

Spiritual Parasites

Over the years, I have had a lot of questions personally about the parable of the sower in Mark 4. I was raised in the church and have seen many Christians come and go. So understanding Jesus' teaching on different responses to hearing the Word is important to me. I don't want to judge others in their Christian walk, and yet I need some way to think through the variety of people I see who deny core pieces of the gospel and/or fall away after a period of what seemed like genuine spiritual conversion.

Mark 4 :5-6 Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it did not have much soil, and immediately it sprang up, since it had no depth of soil. And when the sun rose, it was scorched, and since it had no root, it withered away …

Jesus’ explanation of the parable:

16 And these are the ones sown on rocky ground: the ones who, when they hear the word, immediately receive it with joy. 17 And they have no root in themselves, but endure for a while; then, when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away.

I am really interested in understanding the implications of Jesus’ teaching here. The phrase “it had no root” is especially noteworthy to me. I have spent my life in Christian circles, and I have witnessed a lot of seeds springing up that have enthusiasm for a bit but then fall away when the going gets tough. The phrase that clarifies what’s happening in this case is that “they have no root in themselves.” Wow! That’s sobering. They have heard the truth, and they receive it with joy. They seem really excited about it all. They jump right in and get involved. But over time, they are more like the moss on my stone patio than the lavender with deep roots in my garden. The moss grows on anything, but all I have to do is step on it and it is uprooted and scattered. Why? It doesn’t have any roots of its own. It’s a parasite. It gleans from its host, but it produces nothing on its own.

That’s a sobering analogy. Even more sobering is to think of this word picture in terms of people I know. In particular, I know a few men who have attached themselves this way to godly women I know. They are parasites. Spiritual seeds sown in their midst seem to spring up quickly with joy, but they have no roots of their own. This type of man gleans all he can from the woman who has caught his interest. But if she is ever removed from the picture, his true state is immediately revealed.

In this parable, Jesus teaches that true Christians, those in which the seed has taken root, are recognized by their fruit. But I need to make sure I define fruit the way the Bible does. Many think of fruit as numbers of people we witness to or influence. But the Bible defines fruit very differently—it defines it as the character produced in the heart of the seed bearer. The fruit of the Spirit—the clear evidence that the seed has taken root and that the Spirit is at work—is love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5). Naïve enthusiasm isn’t spiritual fruit. Large numbers aren’t spiritual fruit. If we really want to examine ourselves in terms of spiritual fruit according to this parable, we must examine our love. Our gentleness. Our kindness. Our self-control. And it’s probably wise to do this in community with other believers.

Here is a good sermon entitled Recognizing God's People on this passage by our pastor.

The battle for hope

A friend and I were talking last night about the battle for hope. We’re both at what could possibly be called a mid-life crisis. For me, the crisis comes from the fact that I'm dying to the idea that, since God is good, therefore life following Him at some point becomes good too. Instead, God is good, and that's supposed to sustain me when life is not. When thinking today about the hope I’m supposed to have, I found this verse.

Ps. 33:17 The war horse is a false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue.

Even as a Christian who was raised in the church, I cannot believe how many different “warhorses” I have looked to over the years in hopes of rescue. My warhorses are always linked to some type of circumstantial change—but they NEVER rescue me the way I expect. They are always a false hope. They let me down every time.

The Bible talks about hope IN God …

Psalm 39:7 "And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

… and hope FROM God.

Psalm 62:5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.

And yet, I’m not sure even how to define this hope. I know that the Hebrew word for hope is also translated expectation. I get the idea of sitting in the middle of my struggle and looking longingly for rescue. But where do I expect this rescue to come? Part of my problem is that I often don’t know what rescue is supposed to look like. From past experience, I know that God’s choice of rescue is both unpredictable and consistently better than my visions of rescue, but I have no idea how to predict His mode of rescue for the future.

I am learning that only God can rescue and am aware of the futility of setting my expectations on anything or anyone else. I still don’t know exactly what rescue looks like. To summarize, I often don’t really know what I’m looking FOR, but I have to hang on to hope in Whom I am looking TO.

Oh, Aslan

I watched Prince Caspian from the Chronicles of Narnia series on DVD last night for the first time. For other Lewis enthusiasts, this post is several months out of date. But I have a 2 year old and 3 year old, and getting to the movies while they are still in the theater doesn't happen very often for me anymore. So I get my movie epiphanies after they are released on DVD. And I had some thoughts after watching Caspian last night.

First, I read the book again in preparation for the movie and was ticked off for the first half of the movie by all of the out of sequence events and plain old inaccuracies. I calmed down around the time of the scene with the hag and werewolf as they tried to summon the white witch. That's where things almost seemed to get back to Lewis' story.

But one thing has gotten me thinking, and it really transcends any petty discrepancies over when Peter got where when and who was Lucy with when Caspian met the werewolf and so forth. The book and the movie both resound with the idea that Aslan wasn't there when they needed him. He was far off, at times visible, but even then only barely so. And there was a great amount of defeat before he swooped in and made things right.

And this really resonated with me. He didn't come in and save the day. They woke up the next morning and the nightmare of the night before wasn't a dream. It hadn't resolved with the new day. And when that happens, what do you think of Aslan? It's natural to look for help elsewhere. It's natural. It is the nature of man, our depraved nature, to look for help elsewhere when we do not perceive that God is coming to our aid. We all are tempted to look to our version of the white witch in those moments.

Aslan does show up. And his reaction in the book to Lucy not following him, when she barely saw him and couldn't convince the others, is really thought provoking. He rebuked her. In contrast, I defend her--"Aslan, she's the youngest of them all. They wouldn't listen. How could you hold little Lucy accountable for not following you when she was against such odds?!"

But the interesting thing is that Aslan doesn't let her off the hook. She was supposed to follow him. In the midst. Down the steep path that she couldn't even detect from the rocky overlook. Without her siblings. She was STILL supposed to follow him. And later when only Lucy could see him and the rest couldn't, they were all still supposed to follow him. Even when he was obscure and undiscernable, they were supposed to follow him. Why didn't he make himself easier to see and follow?!

That was profound to me. I am still thinking about it tonight. And I will likely meditate on it for a while longer. I am left with the idea that faith is more than believing that he will come in and save the day. Real faith is following him when you can not see him, can not discern his plan, and when the day before past without him showing up in the ways I thought he surely would. Will I follow him when I wake up on that morning?

Self Talk

Over the last year, I have come to realize that I have had a shallow understanding of Christian friendship and community. I've watched people come and go out of my life, but I've also watched myself come and go out of others lives. I am coming to a strong conviction that God has called me as His child to bear long in friendship. To endure, pursue, and forbear long term with friends through the hard as well as the good. And especially to forbear when the hard things aren't just what has been done TO them but also what they have done to others or themselves by their own sin. Abandoning someone as they work through their sin seems more and more like the most un-Christlike thing I could do. To me, it seems like abandoning our confidence in the gospel.

But I've noticed that as I work through what it means for me to be an enduring, listening, persevering friend to others, I grow in my own longing of it for myself. I want to be known. I want to be heard. I want to be listened to and asked follow up questions that reflect that someone really heard what I said and cared enough to process what it meant to me.

I opened myself up on a few occasions the last few months that had very painful results. In one particular instance, I told a friend about the recent loss of a loved one. And to be honest, in a comparison of tragedies, what I shared with her seriously eclipsed the things she was complaining about to me. I didn't mean it to be a comparison. I was just trying to be honest with her about where I was at. She said she was sorry to hear that, didn't ask any follow up questions, and proceeded to tell me about a party she was going to. It's hard to put into words how hurtful that was--realizing that I didn't really matter to her. That she felt no burden to walk with me through my loss. I opened up to her about the most pressing issue on my heart, and she didn't even notice.

But the Word of God is alive, and powerful, and fully equips us for every issue we face. Here was my Scripture reading the evening that happened.

Matthew 20

17Now as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside and said to them, 18"We are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death 19and will turn him over to the Gentiles to be mocked and flogged and crucified. On the third day he will be raised to life!"

20Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him. 21"What is it you want?" he asked. She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom." 22"You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?" "We can," they answered.

23Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father." 24When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. 25Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Here Jesus opens up about the pain He will soon be enduring. And no one seems to even try to process it. Instead, a disciple's mom asks if her son can have the honored seat in heaven. After my own experience, I can only imagine how this cut Jesus after all He had shared with them.

But Jesus' response is so gracious. He still loves them, serves them, and teaches them. I felt both embracing love and strong rebuke from God as I read that passage. He embraced me with the idea that He understood the pain of not being heard. He embraced me by showing me in Scripture exactly what I needed to feel equipped to deal with my own hurt. And He strongly rebuked me by showing me His example of grace in response. I felt both heard by Him and exhorted to continue in endurance with my friend. I felt called to be like Christ.

And lest this sound like I am the only one who doesn't get heard, I have become increasingly aware through this journey of the many times I don't hear my friends, or my husband, or my children. Too often, I am the friend who talks over others concerns instead of asking follow up questions. But God is growing me in this, and I am thankful for the journey.

War and Peace

Isaiah 2
1 This is what Isaiah son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem:

2 In the last days the mountain of the LORD's temple will be established as chief among the mountains; it will be raised above the hills, and all nations will stream to it.

3 Many peoples will come and say, "Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob. He will teach us his ways, so that we may walk in his paths." The law will go out from Zion, the word of the LORD from Jerusalem.

4 He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore.

5 Come, O house of Jacob, let us walk in the light of the LORD.

I love the imagery of this prophecy. They will beat their swords and spears into farming equipment. Not only will they not be at war anymore, they won’t even need to train for war in preparation. This is what happens when God’s kingdom is established, His dwelling place is chief among the mountains, and all nations are drawn to Him. The question is if this prophecy has any relevance to you and I in this day and age. I submit to you that it does, and that we are wise to consider its implications.

As John the Baptist preached, the kingdom of God is truly at hand. Yet, we also witness daily all the ways that God’s rule has not yet fully taken over our world. The classic passage on this tension is Hebrews 2:7-8. (Speaking of Jesus)

You made him a little lower than the angels; you crowned him with glory and honor and put everything under his feet." In putting everything under him, God left nothing that is not subject to him. Yet at present we do not see everything subject to him.

What Isaiah 2 gives us is a vision for what the kingdom of God looks like when everything is fully subject to Him. It gives us a trajectory for our own lives as well. This is where we are heading. Toward PEACE.

The Apostle Paul opens every one of his epistles with a salutation of grace and peace toward his audience. This isn’t a meaningless introductory phrase but the heartbeat of his message again and again. Peace through grace.

But aren’t we at WAR? I’m not talking about physical war necessarily, but what is commonly referred to as spiritual warfare. I hear this terminology more and more in Christian circles. We are at war. Be on guard.

And this is all fine … to a point. The Bible does use this phrasing, and it is true that while we are on the trajectory toward ultimate peace, we are to guard ourselves against Satan’s attacks. However, my experience with the war phrasing has raised several red flags. The primary one is that many times, Christian groups aren’t clear on with whom we are at war. If you are intent on fighting a battle and unclear on whom the enemy is, beware anyone who gets in your way.

So here are my thoughts today on spiritual War and Peace.

1) If you use the terminology of war, be clear on who the enemy is. We don’t wrestle against flesh and blood. People aren’t the enemy. You have to get that!! We love people. We pursue peace with people. We do not wrestle with flesh and blood. Don’t aim your spiritual weapons at other people.

2) However, do feel free to aim at yourself. We put to death within ourselves those things that serve unrighteousness.


3) Our trajectory is toward peace. Peace through grace. As God’s kingdom is ushered in, peace wins.

We must have a strong grip on the deep implications of Christ’s words on the cross, “It is finished!” He fought the last battle. He has conquered sin and death. The rest are skirmishes putting the final touches on His great victory. Peace through grace wins!

Helping the Hurting

This has been a tough year of walking with several close friends through seasons of deep pain. I have two good friends in particular who have experienced the loss of a loved one in ways that, short of the death of a child, seem about as hard a thing as I could ever imagine having to experience. My tendency at times, because I don't know what to do, is often to do nothing at all. That is a big mistake. Silence, even if your motive is well-intentioned, can be the most hurtful response of all.

So here are a few thoughts on walking with a loved one through a season of pain.

1) There is a time to mourn. There is a time to weep. Ecc. 3:4

Some day in the future, there may be a time for advice or a time to try to cheer up. But respect the time to mourn. Weep with those who weep. I have noticed when I am seriously hurting, there are some people that I just can’t have around because their response is to either give advice or try to distract me from my pain. Instead, I have to walk through my pain, and I treasure those who have the love and patience to walk with me.

2) Be quiet.

Listen. Don’t talk. I don’t mean that we need to remain mute when coming alongside the hurting, but take seriously James 1:19, “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” When your hurting friend speaks, you listen. You listen well and ask follow up questions. You don’t redirect the conversation away from your hurting friend and toward yourself. If your friend needs to talk through their pain, listen.

3) Don’t pretend the pain doesn’t exist.

This is particularly important when it comes to the death of a loved one. Don’t ignore the person who passed on in an effort to distract your friend. They are missing their loved one, and you can’t ignore them anymore than a big white elephant standing in the room. I remember meeting at a restaurant the parents of a friend who had died unexpectedly a few weeks before. We all talked like nothing had ever happened, and I regret to this day that I ignored the elephant in the room. I wish I had said simply, “I am so sorry for your loss,” and then given them a hug. I, of course, had no idea what to say. But I realize now that saying NOTHING was even worse.

If your friend miscarried her child, let her show you the hand made blanket she made for him. If she’s having problems getting pregnant, love her enough to check on her about that specifically. If her father died unexpectedly, don’t avoid mentioning the beauty of the deck he was building for her before he died. Whatever the situation, don’t feel you have to do acrobatics to avoid the elephant in the room. If talking about their loved one fits the occasion, then do it.

3) When the time comes, speak the truth with love.

Support and encourage your loved one with the truth of God. But remember that speaking truth alone is not necessarily loving. If that were the case, Paul would have no need in Ephesians 4 to exhort us to both speak the truth AND speak lovingly. So point your friend to the character of God in loving ways. The way you say things and the empathy you show have power to minister grace to your loved one according to Paul’s instructions on language at the end of Ephesians 4. In times of pain, there is hope in the fact that God is sovereign and in control. But there is also questioning and pain. Wrestle with your loved one as they struggle with the sovereignty of God in the midst of their painful circumstances. Don’t cop out with easy answers or glib Christian sayings.

I hope that is helpful food for thought. I don’t claim to be an expert on this by any means, but these are ideas that have been on my mind through times of my own pain and as I try to walk with other friends through theirs.

Exodus

I love a sermon that makes sense of the Scriptures. I've sat through my fair share of sermons that leave me more confused and frustrated about Scripture after hearing them than I was before. So I really appreciate a sermon that connects the dots for me and helps me fit pieces of Scripture into the big picture of the whole story. This sermon, a short introduction to the book of Exodus from John Haralson at Grace Seattle, does just that. If you would like some help fitting together pieces of the Old Testament into God's big story of redemption, I highly recommend this short introduction to Exodus.

When Naivety in Ministry Wears Off

Naivety--characterized by a lack of critical judgement and understanding of the world

In college and afterwards, I had youthful, naive notions of what I would do for God in ministry. I had grand visions for my role in my home and church. I got caught up with anyone who had similarly grand visions for the new and different things we would be doing for God. Along with this attitude often came a disdain for those who had long been at work in the trenches. The old timers seemed bogged down in their old ways, and I was suspicious of their attempts to speak into my life. Like so many reacting to legitimately wrong practices, I managed to throw out the baby with the bath water in my reaction to traditions that strangled the church from effectively ministering to a new and quite different generation. Certainly there are unbiblical practices to correct. But there are several principles that must be kept in mind when self correcting.

1) There is something about age and experience that trumps youthful exuberance.

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair.

2) It is stupid and naive to think I am doing something new and different for the Lord.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.

My naivety has now worn off. I realize that God has been doing His work for many, many years. There is nothing new and different going on now, and I am naive and foolish to assign too much importance to what I am doing compared to those who have gone before. God has been building His church, is building His church, and will continue to build His church until He presents it gloriously at the marriage supper of the lamb. Lord willing, I am just applying myself to the work God has been doing since long before I was ever born. God instructs me in Scripture to value the wisdom of those who have gone before. They have watched the cycles of churches and institutions grow and fail. They have endured the hardships of raising families. The ones who have spoken most profoundly into my life speak humbly from hard lessons learned through failure rather than success. And I am wise to listen to their words and ponder their experience, for there truly is nothing new under the sun.

Grace-Based Parenting: A Review, not a Critique

“I’m urging you to raise your children the way God raises His.” (p. 20)

In a previous post, I discussed my objection to the need among Christian bloggers to critique excessively. As an author myself, I have a new appreciation for what an author puts into their books and the impossibility of getting it all right. I know my book has holes. I did my best to say as much as I could as clearly as I could. But I didn’t say everything, and the things I did say, I didn’t always say quite right. So I appreciate very much those who have reviewed my book kindly—not reading too much into things I didn’t say and giving me the benefit of the doubt when I didn’t quite hit the nail on the head. I highly value precision in communication. But I rarely am able to keep my own standard, and I appreciate grace extended toward me in questionable situations.

I say all that to say that I am NOT going to critique Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. I’m not going to give disclaimers. I’m not going to point out holes in his arguments. Instead, I am simply going to review it. The book wasn’t perfect, but it was really good. And I believe the author deserves the benefit of the doubt in any place that left unanswered questions.

This book really ministered to me. I have a two-year-old boy and almost four-year-old boy. They are a handful and have challenged me in every way imaginable. God has sanctified me much in these first 4 years of parenting. I have listened to and observed other parents, new and seasoned, every chance I get as I try to work through my own Bible-based strategy and philosophy of parenting. This book came along at exactly the right season for me to help solidify from Scripture things I’ve been thinking about but needed someone to articulate for me. In fact, I can say honestly that this may be one of the most important books I have ever read. Now—that doesn’t mean it will be the same for you. It’s important to me because it dealt head on with the number one issue with which I am struggling—how to parent my boys consistent with my theology. It’s also important because it gave me confidence from Scripture in a way of looking at parenting that the Spirit was already teaching me.

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know I’ve been wrestling with the true meaning of the term grace. When I first started reading Grace Based Parenting, I thought maybe he should have named it Love Based Parenting. I wasn’t sure at first he was really talking about grace as the Bible defines it, but more like sacrificial Biblical love. The last chapters changed my mind on that. In fact, if I have any “criticism” of the book, it would be that I would move the last chapters toward the beginning of the book since they really define the terms and the big picture of what he’s talking about.

In the first chapters of the book, I had to put the book down and repent, because Kimmel nailed me with his assessment of how many Christians parent—primarily out of fear. I realized that I was more afraid of Satan and the world getting their hands on my boys than I was confident in God’s faithfulness to finish the good work He has begun in them (Phil. 1:6). I had to repent. Then I had to decide if I was going to align my parenting philosophy with my theology. Did I believe God had a good plan for my children? Did I believe that I can trust God with their little hearts and lives?

Kimmel made another important point that challenged me on how I thought about parenting. I wanted to protect my children from outside influences that I feared would cause them to stray. However, my doctrine teaches me that the greatest sinful influence on my children is their own depravity. It’s the sin within them rather than the sin without that most affects them and which I need to parent them through. As Kimmel says on p. 24, “Raising your children in a spiritual cocoon won’t help because Satan operates INSIDE it. He appeals to your child’s heart.”

Kimmel challenged me to be careful to distinguish between my responses toward things that are truly sin verses things that simply get on my nerves. “Many of our kids do things that annoy, frustrate, or embarrass us, but they are not wrong.” (p. 55) If it’s not an issue, don’t make it one. There are way too many real issues in life over which to wrestle with our children to make issues out of things that Scripture does not. “Kids inside homes where nonmoral issues are elevated to a level of big problems don’t get to experience the kind of acceptance that makes a heart feel securely loved. Instead they live with a barrage of nitpicking criticism, receiving put-downs because they are curious, anxious, excited, helpless, carefree, or absent-minded.” (p. 61)

I underlined and made notations through much of the book. Here are a few quotes that especially struck me.

Pages 10-11

The real test of a parenting model is how well equipped the children are to move into adulthood as vital members of the human race. Notice I didn’t say “as vital members of the Christian community.” We need to have kids that can be sent off to the most hostile universities, toil in the greediest work environments, and raise their families in the most hedonistic communities and yet not be the least bit intimidated by their surroundings. Furthermore, they need to be engaged in the lives of people in their culture, gracefully representing Christ’s love in these desperate surroundings. The apostle Paul gave us as parents an excellent goal for our children to pursue: “Do
everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may know on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. (Phil. 2:14-16)

Page 83

Kids brought up in an environment of legitimate praise build a solid resistance against the insults and put-downs that often bombard them from culture.

Page 113

Safe Christianity is an oxymoron, like “jumbo shrimp”. Living your life sold out for Jesus Christ has never been a way to enjoy a safe life. It may be a way to enjoy a good life, but not a safe one. That’s because Jesus isn’t safe, but He is always good.

Page 173

… you cannot afford to trivialize these times when your children feel fragile. Satan doesn’t. Actually, he loves it when they feel vulnerable. He traffics in counterfeit solutions to these needs. If you don’t step forward with the love, purpose, and hope they need to compete with these challenges, Satan will.

And maybe the greatest summary quote of the entire book, from p. 220—

Bottom line: Grace-based families realize that their children will struggle with sin. They consider it an honor to be used by God to show their children how to find true forgiveness in Christ. They are not intimidated by the dialogue that brings the discussion of sin into the light. In fact, they are grateful to be able to come alongside their children with an unconditional love during some of their toughest hours.

In conclusion, for some odd, disturbing reason, many Christians I know are suspicious of the term grace. It’s too bad, because grace is pretty much all we have in Christianity. It’s the cornerstone of our faith—the heart of the gospel and core to everything else God does toward us. And if you think I’m overemphasizing the term, I’ll end with the Word of God from Titus 2:11-14. Please note all that grace brings to us according to this passage.

11For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

There is grace, and there is everything else, and everything else leads to death. If you are a parent, my encouragement is to make sure you really understand what grace means according to the Bible and then examine your responses to your children in light of it. I cannot offer myself as an example, for I have only just starting to walk this road myself and fail often. But if you, like me, are interested in parenting your children the way God parents His, this book is a thought-provoking study.

Thouhts on Bible Study Part 4

Here are parts 1, 2, and 3 of this series. I want to end with some thoughts on dealing with our personal least favorite parts of Scripture. Admit it--you likely have parts of Scripture that you prefer to avoid as you migrate toward books that encourage you. For me, the major and minor prophets represent the portion of Scripture I naturally tend to put off reading. I love the gospels and Pauline epistles, find comfort in the Psalms and wisdom in the Proverbs. But the prophets?! They can be a real downer.

Last year, I was given the opportunity to teach a lesson on Jesus in the Prophets at church. Nobody forced the topic on me, but at the same time, it wasn’t one I was seeking for myself either. I actually did it because I knew I needed to wrestle through the topic. What the heck do the prophets have to contribute to our understanding of Jesus, the gospel, and His kingdom? Personally, I saw the prophets as only helpful if you wanted to understand the past or the future, but not particularly relevant to the present work of God. I was also wary of them after watching them abused by obsessive-compulsive fans of the Left Behind series.

In contrast to the stereotypical view of the prophets by some, I found my study of the prophets deep and rich in meditations on the gospel. I was confronted with my own idolatry and reminded that I serve a God whose purposes transcend my small view of reality. God’s plan was put in motion before time began and will continue into eternity. One pastor put it this way: I didn’t invite God into my story; He’s called me to be a part of His. And wrestling with the prophets really challenged me on how I think about this.

I’ll use Habakkuk as a succinct illustration of the themes throughout the prophets at large. In these 3 little chapters, we see Habakkuk wrestling with God, literally complaining to the sovereign Lord of the Universe. As best I can tell from my studies, Habakkuk is a righteous man who believes God. But God’s word to Habakkuk is that He is using the wicked Chaldeans, a people who worship their own might (Hab. 1:11), to bring judgment upon the southern kingdom of Judah. Habakkuk is aware that God had promised that the “scepter will not depart out of Judah” (Gen. 49:10), indicating that God would preserve the line of kings and ultimately the Messiah through the tribe of Judah. But to Habakkuk’s eyes, it looks like the scepter is most definitely about to depart out of Judah. And Judah does end up as captives forced in exile. What in the world is God doing?! From the glory years of David and Solomon to this point in Israel’s history, it looks like it’s all gone to pot.

But right in the middle of this complaint to God, God gives Habakkuk the phrase on which the Apostle Paul builds his gospel presentation in Romans and Galatians, “the righteous will live by their faith.” (Hab. 2:4; see also Rom. 1:17, Gal. 3:11). Not by their sight, but by their faith. It’s like He’s saying, “Habakkuk, I know what the immediate circumstances surrounding you look like, but I am calling you to follow me by faith in the larger picture.” Do you hear the depth of what God is saying here? And do you see it’s great relevance to where you and I stand today in God’s story? The righteous will live by their faith! And if you really want to understand faith, you need to study the New Testament commentary on the subject in Hebrews 11. “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things NOT SEEN.” (Heb. 11:1)

I have had many times in my life when I got caught up in Christian excitement—there was positive peer pressure to follow Christ and a fun social group to support me. But in those times, I am often just a bandwagon Christian—everyone is doing it, it seems fun, and I’ll be bored and lonely if I don’t. I’m not totally knocking the value of a positive social group who points you to Christ and the Word. But our faith is sifted and tested during the times when the bandwagon breaks down, when we can no longer see exactly what God is doing, and we don’t get enthusiastic support to be faithful. Sometimes, it seems God’s allowing everything good we thought He was doing to fall apart around our feet. What’s God waiting for? What’s He going to do when He’s done waiting? And what do I do when all I can answer is, “I don’t know”?! In these moments, I find Habakkuk’s final response back to God an anchor for my soul.

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.

The righteous shall live by their faith. Not by their sight. By their faith. I am learning that sometimes the toughest parts of Scripture hold the deepest treasure, and they are worth the effort and journey to understand what God reveals of Himself in them.

Thoughts on Bible Study Part 3

Here is Part 1 and Part 2 of this series. This next installment is a little more practical and a little less inspirational than the first 2.

I don’t like complicated things. I hate long-winded speeches. Just give me the facts and let me process them on my own, please. And I HATE, HATE, HATE when intelligent people try to intimidate others by throwing around complicated terminology. The sad thing is that there are a lot of Bible study resources that, in my humble opinion, intimidate and put off the very people who most need their help. In contrast, here are a few resources I’ve found that were truly helpful in my Bible study. Short on big words, long on meaningful help. If you too get frustrated by study helps that actually make things more complicated rather than less, you may find the things on this list a better fit for you.

1) The Reformation Study Bible

I’ve had my share of study Bibles over the years. Consistently, the notes in each would be about things I didn’t care about, while they would say nothing on the verses that I had real questions. The Reformation Study Bible is a pleasant change. It answers the questions I have. It answers a bunch I don’t have too, but I LOVE that it seems to understand my personal roadblocks in my pursuit of Scripture. It has helpful introductions to each book and great doctrinal side items. It’s just a stellar resource all around.

By the way, I’ve heard similarly good stuff about the ESV Study Bible. It looks like a really good source as well, but I haven’t had the time in it that I have with my Reformation Study Bible.

2) ESV Journaling Bible

This is a tidy little Bible with room to journal on the sides. And yet, somehow, they manage to pack in basic cross-references and translation items. There are no commentary type notes, but I find the little notes it does have very helpful in understanding the translation better. The only part that I don't like is that the print and room to write is TINY. However, I found a fine point pen that worked well, which has helped me get past my bias against the print size and enjoy the journaling feature.

3) NIV One Year Chronological Bible

This is a NEAT study that arranges the books of the Bible in the order they actually took place. Did you know that pieces of Ezra, Daniel, and Nehemiah take place simultaneously? It’s fascinating to link David’s psalms with the events of his life that prompted each or to read Lamentations in light of the kings who invited God’s judgment. Warning: don’t feel bad if you can’t get through it in a year.

4) Anything written by John Stott

My first exposure to John Stott was Baptism and Fullness of the Holy Spirit. What subject in Scripture is more complicated to figure out than that?! But when I read Stott, I really understood it. He’s great at communicating deep truths in simple, effective ways. Read anything you can find by him.

5) Bible Gateway

In my first installment on Bible study, I suggested reading through the Gospels, Romans, and Hebrews with an eye for their links to the Old Testament. If you want to do a thorough job of that, Bible Gateway is a particularly helpful resource. If you look up your Bible reading using the New American Standard or English Standard Versions, you’ll find tons of links to any other Scripture that references a particular verse. Then just click on the link, and there you have the Old Testament counterpart.

Hope these are as helpful to you as they have been to me.

Thoughts on Bible Study Part 1

This is part 1 of a 4 part series with thoughts and encouragement on reading the Bible. I previously published it on another blog and updated it a bit here.

I have never been able to have consistent 30-minute daily devotions. I can’t get up early. I can’t keep my day that organized. And I stink at self-discipline. I finally stopped reading Bible study help books because they usually boiled down to some method that I could only keep for a week or so. And yet, I’m about to suggest a method to you for your own Bible study that has been helpful to me. Before you yell, “hypocrite!” I propose that my method is a bit different and hope you will find it a helpful starting point in your own study.

Method: Start with Jesus. Then let Jesus guide you from there.

Does that sound simplistic and corny? If so, I apologize. But this is truly my Bible study method--I love Jesus and I desperately need Him. If you too love and need Jesus but are struggling to find Him in the Bible, let me point you to a concrete starting point. The Gospels!!! Start with Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and let them point your way through the rest of Scripture.

Many of us who come from churched backgrounds tend to skip over the gospels. Instead, we attempt “harder” books in our study. But we really need to understand the Gospels. So unless you read through the gospels in the last 2 years or so, I HIGHLY recommend taking some time to park there. Spend some time just enjoying Jesus. Despite the fact that I heard every Bible story in Sunday school growing up, I am constantly amazed at all the details I’ve missed about Him and His ministry.

Once you’ve read through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, I recommend a second reading of them. But this second time, note each time Jesus quotes an Old Testament passage. For instance, Jesus quotes Hosea 6:6 in Matthew 9:13 when He says, “Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." In my ESV journaling Bible, the link to Hosea 6:6 is noted by a tiny superscript letter of the alphabet, so you have to be looking for it to notice it. But if you’ll take the time to follow these links between the Gospels and the Old Testament, you’ll be amazed at how each little piece starts to fit together over time, revealing the grand theme of Scripture to you.

Once you’ve finished with the Gospels, I recommend taking the same approach with Romans and Hebrews. Read through them. Then read through them again paying attention to any cross-references to the Old Testament. Both Romans and Hebrews will explain the Old Testament to you better than any commentary ever could.

How long should it take you to get through the gospels, Romans, and Hebrews? Well, since it took me 3 years to read the one-year study Bible, I’m probably not the best person to ask. Personally, I read until something strikes me that I need to think about. I don’t multitask very well, so if I read too long and cover too many ideas, nothing stays in my mind. My goal is to read until something about Jesus strikes me and then contemplate it as long as I can. My thoughts often get snatched quickly from my mind by the chaos of life, which makes the journaling function of my Bible very helpful to me at this stage.

So there it is. I hope something in this loosely defined “method” is an encouragement to you in your own pursuit of God.

Prodigal God

In my ongoing qwest to better understand how the Bible presents the grace of God, I am really looking forward to reading this book.

Minding the Gap

I was encouraged by the message at church Sunday by a visiting pastor. It was the final sermon in the series Practical Holiness, and it was on parenting. I have heard and read much on parenting over the years, but this message covered the foundation that I realize now others always miss. Most parenting sermons and books motivate you toward worthwhile goals. In contrast, this sermon dealt with the gap between our goals and our realities. You can have all the godly parenting goals you want, but how do you deal with the gap between where you want to be and where you actually are?

Our kids don't have to be very old before they realize the gaps between what we are telling them to be and what we really are. They can see our inconsistencies and pick out the holes in our logic very early on. The pastor offered 3 main ideas of dealing with this gap.

1) Be co-combatants against sin and Satan with our children.

We must identify with them in their temptation. Their sin issues may manifest themselves in different ways, but we struggle with the same temptations they do. We've just learned to manage ours better. How have you been tempted to act out in selfishness or anger or frustration? How do you deal with Jesus when you are tempted? Which leads to the next point.

2) Apologize in front of your children and to your children.

Ask their forgiveness. They are aware of our sin and most certainly aware of our hypocrisy when we refuse to deal with our sin in front of them.

3) Finally, let your children see you fumbling toward Christ.

I loved the wording the pastor used--"fumbling toward Christ"--because that is EXACTLY how I feel sometimes. Like the guy who drops the football and then kicks it with his foot as he goes to pick it up. I'm running, tripping, falling down, and getting up in my walk with God. I try to hide my weakness from my children, but instead, I should model honestly my walk with God before them.

I have a good friend who shared with me how her mother struggled after coming to Christ out of a hard background. This mother felt a constant failure with her kids. My friend said she constantly preached the gospel to herself in front of her kids and what an impact that made on this friend. It wasn't that her mother had it all together. Instead, she had her fair share of failures. But she fumbled her way to Christ, preaching the good news of the cross to herself in each failure, IN FRONT OF HER CHILDREN. And that made the difference.

I have much more to learn on parenting, but I feel like I have a much stronger foundation after hearing this sermon.

If you'd like to listen to the sermon, here it is.

Accurately Using Scripture

There was a moment, as a teenager, that I learned something profound about Scripture that matured me greatly. I was in a very conservative church and often heard the phrase "abstain from all appearance of evil" as a proof text for staying away from anything anyone could even misconstrue as sin. I remember passing the local movie theater and seeing a couple from church in line to buy tickets. There was some innocous movie playing along with a steamier R rated movie. They were in sin--because even if they were going to the fairly innocent movie, someone passing by (like me) might think they were going to see the R rated movie. If they appeared to be doing wrong, whether they really were or not didn't matter. Not according to I Thess. 5:22.

Then one day, I read it in context. Here it is in the ESV.

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20Do not despise prophecies, 21but test everything; hold fast what is good. 22Abstain from every form of evil.

Don't despise prophecies. Instead, test them and hold on to the ones that past the test. But when evil appears, stay away from it. This Scripture has nothing to do with avoiding things that give the appearance of evil. Instead, it is a warning against evil itself. When evil appears, abstain.

When it finally dawned on me from Scripture that I had been obsessed with a spiritual standard that God Himself did not hold, it ticked me off. I was a teenager. I trusted those in spiritual leadership over me to correctly teach me the Word. And I became a bit of a polite cynic. Is that REALLY what Scripture says? I want a preacher to take his time accurately handling the Word. And I lose respect quickly when someone is sloppy with Scripture.

Fast forward to today. I have just realized that I have assumed, based on sloppy handling of the Scripture on both my part and others, a wrong application of Scripture. The verse in question is I Tim. 5:8.

8But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

My assumption was that this is talking about men providing financially for their families. Except that I did a quick study this morning just to realize that it doesn't address "any man" but "anyone". There is no specific gender implied at the beginning of verse 8. I need someone with a greater knowledge of Greek than I to tell me where "he" comes from in the 2nd part of the verse. Is specific gender implied in the Greek or is it just the choice of the translator?

But even more than that, the context of this verse in chapter 5 is the care of widows.

3Honor widows who are truly widows. 4But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. 7 Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. 8But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Hands down, this is about families taking care of their own. Anyone who doesn't provide for the needy relatives in their own household is worse than an unbeliever.

As I read this in context, I think it's a bit of a cop out if I only assign application to my husband bringing home the bread to pay our bills. This has application for me as well.

But in an even larger sense, this reminds me that I need to handle Scripture accurately. I need to value understanding the meaning in context of Scripture before I open my mouth and most certainly before I make judgements of others. We will never make the case for Christ to unbelievers with skewed interpretations of Scripture. Only the weak minded will follow and they'll be snatched away in the first heat of the sun. Anyone with a lick of discernment will smell the foul air and distrust anything else you say. We MUST be accurate with Scripture.

Cheap Grace

Thoughts on grace from Dietrich Bonhoeffer in The Cost of Discipleship.

"Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ."

"Costly grace confronts us as a gracious call to follow Jesus, it comes as a word of forgiveness to the broken spirit and the contrite heart. It is costly because it compels a man to submit to the yoke of Christ and follow him; it is grace because Jesus says: "My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Hard Words for Hurting People

There is a moment in the story of Job that disturbs me when I read it. In Job 23, Job is at his lowest moment. His children have died, he's lost all of his money, and he's covered in painful boils. Everything he has given himself to in this life has become dust. His comforters bring anything but comfort to him. He says his complaint is bitter and cries that he doesn't even know where to look for God. Job, a righteous man by God's own account, is in a miserable place not by his own foolishness. Really, if anyone deserved comfort, by my system of accounting, it was Job.

But, after who knows how many months of silence, when God finally speaks to Job in chapter 38, His words don't fit the profile of what I think Job deserves to hear.

1Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said: 2"Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? 3 Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. 4"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.5Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?

God continues on this way for four chapters. "I am GOD, Job! I hung the stars in the sky, created the oceans and every animal in them. Can you do that?! I am all powerful and all knowing. Don't act like you could possibly know better on any issue than I do."

I would expect God to say something more comforting--at least as I define comfort. Something like nothing can separate us from the love of God. Or that God works all things together for our good. Or that they who wait on God mount up on wings like eagles. Or that He who began the good work in us will be faithful to complete it. But none of those promises are emphasized here.

Instead, to the guy who was probably at the lowest point of anyone ever named in Scripture, God says, "I am God. I am all powerful. And I know what I'm doing!"

I have been wrestling personally with God over some things in my own life. Recently, I very seriously prayed for a word from Him--"God, give me something to make sense of this time in life. Help me know how to think about all this and how to respond in obedience." I don't know what I expected, but His word was pretty clear. "Without faith, it is impossible to please Me." (Hebrews 11:6).

God didn't tell me that my troubles would soon end or that things would make more sense soon. Instead, He said pretty forcefully, "Trust Me! Believe in Me. I hung the stars in the sky and I know what I'm doing."

I am reminded that God never explained to Job on earth (at least according to the Scriptural account) the purpose for his suffering. As far as we know, Job didn't know until heaven what all was going on behind the scenes. In fact, Job's suffering had no earthly purpose at all. It was fully about proving the trustworthiness of God's character in the heavenly places to Satan and his minions.

I am beginning to see that the primary point of long periods of silence by God during our earthly sorrows and suffering is that we prove His worthiness of our belief and trust based fully on who He is and not on what things He gives us. Satan can't believe we would trust God just based on His character and not on the blessings on earth He gives us. That's Satan's taunt--"They only worship you because you are good to them. They'd never worship you if you didn't answer their prayers and take care of them like they expect."

The truth is that true faith doesn't worship God because God is good but because God is God. We don't endure because we expect deliverance but because He is worthy. And we will never fully clarify this in our own hearts until God stops fitting our definition of goodness and requires us to sit patiently at His feet without answering our prayers for a season. And even if that season lasts the remainder of our lives, He is worthy.

The other truth is that for no one in Scripture did that season last the rest of their lives. God's promises are that He will complete the good work He began in our hearts. He will work all the hard circumstances for honest to goodness GOOD in our lives. And when we wait on Him to work, He lifts us up on wings as eagles.

But that isn't why we trust Him, have faith in Him, or worship Him. We worship Him because He alone is God. And He is worthy.

On Disclaimers

Last night, I was thinking of writing a blog post on my problem with disclaimers. Then I came across this one this morning and was intrigued to know I am not the only one who has noticed this issue.

I used to buy books in a Christian bookstore where the manager would place in the front cover of every book a disclaimer along the lines of "though this book is sold in this bookstore, it does not mean we endorse or support the author or content of the book." It seemed paranoid, but I can't really blame them. They had years of experience with people's nitpicking complaints over things with which they disagreed.

The reality is that no author, pastor, or publisher ever gets it right all the time. Really, if you believe in total depravity and progressive sanctification, then you ought to expect that everyone is going to miss the mark at times. Some hit the mark more often than others. But some who rarely hit the mark still occasionally do.

So what should a person do if they like something an author says even if they possibly disagree with other things? As a blogger, do I have to identify every criticism I have? Do I do readers a disservice if I only mention the things that positively influenced me?

First, I assume that the readers of this blog aren't mindless sycophants with an inability to think discerningly for themselves (or without the ability to look up sycophants at www.dictionary.com).

Second, I believe much of our criticism of Christian authors, pastors, and publishers is based on bad theology. We don't really believe God's promise to finish the work He's begun to build His church and beautify His Body (Phil. 1:6). We see potential failure all around. In this paradigm, every pastor or author is only one step away from denying the faith and sending all those under his influence to the land of cults and heresy. And our job is to point out everything they get wrong all the time.

I'm adopting my own personal policy for this blog concerning disclaimers--I'm going to do my best to not use them. I'll probably give into my own paranoid fear on occasion and use them just to protect myself from the inevitable criticism if I don't. But my goal is to act consistently with my belief that readers here are discerning and that a strong focus on those things that are correct is way more effective than emphasizing the things with which I disagree.

With all that said, I really liked the Gospel of Ruth by Carolyn Custis James and I'm currently in the middle of and learning alot from Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel.

Is he the one?

Does your theology dictate how you view either your own journey in finding a spouse (if you're single) or how you encourage your single friends in their journey (especially if you are married)? My experience is that there is often a disconnect between what we say we believe about God and what we believe about finding a spouse. I know this well from my own experience.

When I was 25, I was dating a cowboy from the midwest that I thought for sure I was going to marry. He was a great guy, but in the end, I couldn't do it. I had terrible bouts with anxiety as I considered both moving forward with him toward marriage and breaking up with him and never seeing him again. But in the end, I couldn't make myself go forward no matter how much I prayed and tried.

Then I moved to a new city and started a new job. Suddenly, with no new prospects on the horizon, I sank into depression. I believed I had lost my last chance at happiness. I even had a godly older person say something along those lines to me. I finally mustered up the courage to call the cowboy. He was very kind on the phone, but at that point, he had begun dating the woman he would later marry. I was devastated. I had squandered my last chance at happiness by breaking up with him. Or so I thought.

During the time I was wrestling with myself concering marrying the cowboy, my older sister gave me some advice. She said that I would know if I should marry him. Know?! What does that mean? She just said I would know when it was right. It was a little frustrating because I needed a better definition.

It reminds me now of my first trip to Seattle. My husband and I were intent on seeing Mt. Rainier. But it was cloudy and overcast the first few days of our trip. We looked at the outline of the Cascades. Was that Mt. Rainer? Then we saw the Olympics. Maybe that tallest thing in the middle was Mt. Rainier? Then we went to the Space Needle and asked the tour guide there to show us Mt. Rainier. She looked but said the mountain wasn't out today. A day later, my husband and I were driving south on I-5 heading toward the airport. And suddenly, there it was. "Oooohhhhh. THAT'S Mt. Rainier." When you see it, there is no way on earth you won't recognize it.

When my husband finally entered my life, I didn't have to talk myself into it. I knew.

Two passages come to mind that I would use to encourage women on this issue.

Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I think we can look at this 2nd passage two ways. First, delight in the Lord and He will give you the things you desire. Second, delight in the Lord and He will give you desire for the things He wants you to pursue. Regardless, if we love and pursue God first and foremost, we don't have to be suspicious of our desires. In every avenue, rather than analyzing what we want and why we want it, the exhortation of Scripture is to analyze GOD. Set your mind on Him. Love Him. Delight in Him. And He will give you your desires. He will make your paths straight.

Does your theology match your views of dating? Are you Calvinist on your soteriology but Arminian practically speaking? If you believe in a sovereign God who loves His children and has a good plan for their lives, you don't have to live in fear that you are going to squander your one chance at happiness. You don't have to talk yourself into marrying someone because you are afraid of an empty life if you don't. That is not the character of our Father. Stop striving and rest in Him.

Suspicious of Grace

We are by nature suspicious of grace. My pastor used this phrase in a recent sermon and it stuck with me. I have a long history in the church and have experienced my share of conflict. Though I can't remember a time where I was actually in the middle of the conflict, I've observed much conflict from the sidelines. And I'm becoming increasingly convinced that it is our suspicion of and lack of endurance with grace that is the turning point in each conflict. When we loose hope in grace, conflicts become unreconcilable and deeply wounding. We label our brothers and sisters in Christ as wolves. We treat them as enemies. And we take a hammer and chainsaw to those who are ears, or thumbs, or elbows, or toes in the Body of Christ. Then we wonder afterward why the pain is so deep and the blood doesn't stop flowing. And we live in denial that we just knifed the dear, sweet Body of our beautiful Savior in the back. I have 25 years of experience in such church conflicts. I'm a veteran. There is nothing new under the sun, and I sadly recognize the cycle well.

However, instead of citing examples of how I've seen God's example of grace abandoned in Christian conflict, this week I saw an example of God's grace embraced for the long haul. And you know what? It worked! Forbearing long with our brother in Christ in love, forgiveness, humility, and grace actually worked to bring someone to repentance.

But despite those moments when we see grace work, we often remain suspicious of its power. The argument I hear against such longsuffering grace usually goes something like this. "Well, aren't you tolerating sin if you bear long? At some point, don't you have to stop enduring or others will think you are condoning their actions? You need to separate yourself and take a stand against their sin. Otherwise, everyone will think it's OK to do what they are doing!"

And you know what? I'd probably agree with all of that IF Jesus hadn't died on the cross to atone for our sins. Jesus' payment for our sins demands a different response.

Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

When I heard how grace worked with my friend, I wept. Because I too am suspicious of grace. I want to be gracious. I want to bear long with people and have hope for their repentance and transformation. Instead, I often despair. But I was reminded this week that grace works. That it is the goodness of God that draws us to repent, and that our longsuffering love with our unrepentant brothers in Christ ministers grace to them that will draw them to repent as well.

Beware of viewing your brother or sister in Christ as the Pharisee to be shamed and rebuked with scorn. That is a response reserved for the unelect, and there is serious warning in Scripture against presuming to know who is and who is not of the elect. Love God. Love others. Period.

Grace works.

Back to Theology -- God is my Help

It's time to get back to the vision for this blog -- that understanding the character of our God equips us to all that God has called us, especially as women. God wasn't a woman, and Jesus never had PMS. So does that mean we have less to look for from God in terms of our example to live by as women? Absolutely not! And no where is this clearer than the first mention of the first woman in Scripture. Here are some recycled thoughts from earlier entries on how knowing the character of our God equips us to all He has called us.

In our culture, when we talk about God’s instructions to women, there will be inevitable misunderstandings. Our culture thinks “submission” means “doormat”. They think “gentle” means “weak”. And they think “helper” means “slave” or “enabler”. Instead, I want to take what we know of God and use that to equip us as women for what God has called us to be in our homes and churches. So let's look at how we as women are made in the image of God and how understanding the image of God prepares us to embrace our role in marriage. Though it should be common sense to those who know Scripture, we will offer the obvious disclaimer that Christian wives are not called to be helpers of or submitters to men who violate God’s commands by abusing their family. Men who abuse the laws of God and laws of our country have abdicated their God-given role and will be held to account by God.

At the first mention of the first woman in Scripture, we begin to understand the necessary relationship between what we know about God and what He has called us to be as wives.

Genesis 2 18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

If you don’t know God, His Names, and His character, then hearing that woman was created to be some man’s helper is going to sound incredibly condescending and substandard. “I’m called to be Help?! That sounds like some 18th century plantation snob referring to their servants. I’m not the Help.” But before we adopt that attitude, let’s consider a few things from Scripture. We want Scripture and not preconceived notions from our culture to guide our thinking on this. First, the Hebrew word translated “helper” is ezer, meaning to help, nourish, sustain, or strengthen. It’s used often in the Old Testament of God Himself. Consider it’s use in Deuteronomy 33:29.

Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will trample down their high places.

God Himself here is called our helper, our ezer, the same word used of the first woman in Gen. 2:18. In the New Testament, the Holy Spirit is also called our Helper, Counselor, and Comforter (depending on which translation of the Bible you use—these are all translations of the Holy Spirit’s role of “paraklete”, or one who comes alongside in help.)

God is our Help. The Holy Spirit is our Helper. When we understand God’s role on this issue, it puts this in perspective. God, Almighty Sovereign Lord of the Universe, is our helper and we, as women, are created in His image. If we hold on to the attitude that being created as a helper is condescending and substandard, we mock the Name of God and His character, for the role of Helper is one God willingly embraces. Christ says in Matthew 10:25 that it is enough for the disciple to be as his master and the servant as his Lord. It is enough that we seek to be like Him.

So let’s consider God’s example on this issue of Help. Do you see yourself exhibiting God’s characteristics or the contrasting ones? In Exodus 18:4, God our help defends (in contrast to attacking or ignoring the fight altogether). In Psalm 10:14 God our help sees and cares for the oppressed (rather than being indifferent and unconcerned). In Psalm 20:2 and 33:20, God our Help supports, shields and protects (rather than leaving unprotected and defenseless). In Psalms 70:5, God our Help delivers from distress (rather than causing distress). In Psalm 72:12-14, God our Help rescues the poor, weak, and needy (rather than ignoring the poor and needy). And in Psalm 86:17, God our Help comforts (rather than causing discomfort or avoiding altogether).

Often, instead of following God’s example on this, we become the very persons from whom our spouses feel they need to protect themselves. Rather that expecting compassion and support, our spouses tense as they enter our presence expecting condemnation and criticism. It should not be so among Christian wives.

God’s example reveals a high and worthy calling for wives as “helpers suitable to their husbands”. We are called to show compassion, to support, defend and protect those in our care, to deliver from distress and to comfort. We are called to be conduits of God’s grace in our homes. We are called to be like Christ.

The Golden Rule

Matthew 7: 12 "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

I was reading through Matthew 7 the other night and was struck anew by the Golden Rule. I have heard it so much throughout my life that it seems worn out compared to some of the new, provocative things I hear among Christian bloggers and modern affluent preachers. But this time when I read it, I was struck by the phrase at the end--"for this is the law and the prophets." This reflects on the greatest command as well--where all the law and the prophets hang on the foundation of loving God and loving others. This connection made me realize that in some ways, the Golden Rule is a great summary statement of what it means to love others. While we get a very specific definition of love in I Cor. 13, love could be summed up, "treat others the way you want to be treated."

In particular, I've been meditating for some time about Biblical love in conflict. The Golden Rule gives me an interesting perspective to consider. When in conflict, if I want to fulfill the law--loving my neighbor as myself--then a great summary question to ask myself is "how would I want to be treated if I were the other person?" Most of the time in conflict, we are so self-righteous and self-absorbed, the last thing we consider is how we would want to be treated in a similar situation.

Think about the last time you were genuinely wrong about something. (And if you are having a hard time thinking of that time, I hope that sets off a serious red flag in your heart. ) Now think about what led you to recognize your sin. How did Jesus draw you to repentance? Was someone else involved? What about their response was helpful in seeing your sin? What about their response created a stumblingblock to you? From there, we can start to get a picture of what confrontation and restoration looks like when it is governed by the Golden Rule and Greatest Command. And I humbly submit that any confrontation that is not governed by the Golden Rule and Greatest Command is likely motivated by pride and selfishness.

Right now, the 2 people in the world that I confront most often are my small boys. I want to get this right with them.

Father, there are a lot of people in sin in this world, and I am chief among them. Teach me how to minister grace to others that they would see both their sin and the contrasting beauty of Your holiness. May Your grace flow through me that I could draw them to repent and not put a stumblingblock in front of them instead.

Holiness by Grace

I listened to this sermon while working out this week. In my qwest to understand the grace of God toward me and how His grace transforms me, this sermon was very helpful. It's around 30 minutes--each word thoughtfully articulated. Nothing extraneous here. I love that in a sermon! If you need a good word straight from Scripture, I highly recommend this preaching of the Word.

Fighting the Wrong Battles

I noted earlier this week that evangelicals (at least those represented in the blogosphere) tend toward picking the wrong heros and fighting the wrong battles. I will expand a little bit more on the 2nd point here.

What battles should we be fighting as believers in Christ? In my humble opinion, evangelical Christianity is a mess because we don't let Scripture set the priority level for the swords upon which we will die. Scripture says some pretty profound things about what is important. Here are a few verses that strike me as particularly powerful and succinct.

John 13:35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Matthew 22 36"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" 37And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38This is the great and first commandment. 39And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets."

1 John 4:20 If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

1 Pet 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Colossians 3:12-13 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

I am coming to value a new and different fight--one I don't see getting high visibility in the world of the Christian blogger looking for the current controversy of the day. It's the fight for Biblical love and forgiveness as God defines it in His word (with humility and grace as close allies). After all, without love as God defines it, even speaking with gifted words or giving my body to be burned for the poor is meaningless (I Cor. 13:1-2). Furthermore, it's the greatest command according to Jesus. That gives it a priority few other things in Scripture have.

We must fight for the accurate use of the term love in our homes, churches, and even the Christian blogosphere. We must not tolerate when people throw the term about but deny it by violating the objective definition Scripture gives us in I Cor. 13. We must fight for real humility and grace, not sham niceties that are no more than politeness or diplomacy to get ourselves out of a sticky situation.

Most disturbing to me is that we sometimes fight for a nuance of the gospel while tolerating the practical things that Scripture says indicate we don't get the gospel at all. Scripture teaches that when we don't get grace, love, humility, and forgiveness, it reflects that we don't really understand the gospel. That should set off red flags for us all personally.

I recently followed a thread on language at a widely read Christian blog. Paul's words to the Ephesians about language in Ephesians 4 was quoted. There, Paul speaks of language that ministers grace to the hearers--that isn't bitter, angry, slanderous, malicious--but is kind and tenderhearted reflecting to others God's forgiveness of us. However, the main issue on this thread was the s-word and potty humor. Now, I don't use the s-word in personal conversation and other than the occasional inevitable potty humor that arises in a house with a 2 and 3 year old, I don't partake in that much either. But I'm profoundly disturbed that so many seemingly mature Christians would boil down the issue to those points.

My soul-deep burden, weighing on my heart, is that many in the Body of Christ, including Christian leaders heralded in the blogosphere, don't understand that our malicious, sarcastic, angry speech (not our use of the s-word or potty humor) reflects a heart that doesn't understand the gospel. Such a heart doesn't fully grasp God's grace to us, and therefore it is incapable of extending that grace to others.

My prayer today is that we would fight this battle first. If we first get the gospel to ourselves and then humbly and lovingly minister that grace to the next person, I think we would be amazed at the purity of the doctrine that would rise up in our church.

My own confession is that I have a bad attitude against those who have a bad attitude. I don't easily extend grace to those who aren't gracious. And forgiving those who are not particularly forgiving is still more of a goal than a reality for me. God, help me first to understand Your grace TO ME so that I could extend it to others. Second, help me to see that when I am kind to those who are easy to love, it has little to do with grace and the gospel. Help me love those who don't love in return, aren't gracious, and seem unable to forgive. Equip me to minister grace to them, for they are the most in need of understanding it.

Fighting the Wrong Battles, Adopting the Wrong Heros

On returning from vacation in Canada, I am catching up on my bloglines and technorati searches. Once again, I'm amazed, bemused, and discouraged by evangelicals' incredible ability to expend all their resources fighting the wrong battles and defending the wrong heros. Do you have a hero of the faith? Maybe Spurgeon or Luther is your man. Or I could name a list of modern day living guys.

If I were a hero worshipping kind of girl, I'd be loving Tim Keller and CJ Mahaney right now. But it's primarily their teaching that reminds me of the terrible ungospel-like aspects of modern day religious hero worship. CJ Mahaney is all about humility and Tim Keller preaches grace like nobody else I've heard (except the pastors at Grace Seattle). And what you get from both of them is ... well ... humility and grace. Humility says that I have to let go of my rights, and I am a servant of Christ and for Christ to others. Grace says that I am the cheif of sinners and the only response that reflects well on God's forgiveness of me is my forgiveness and forbearance with others. There is no room for hero worship in that.

Our former pastor in SC told a story about meeting a wealthy man in seminary who had given a large portion of land to a mission organization for an airstrip. Our pastor told the man that he was honored to meet a hero of the faith, to which this older man replied, "Son, there is only One Hero of our faith." I tear up to think of that. He was humble, wise, and RIGHT.

God, may Jesus alone be our Hero and the One to which we conform. May His humility be our guide and His grace our defining core value.

John 13:35 "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

I Cor. 13:4-5 Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or
rude. It does not insist on its own way;

I'll write more another day on our tendency to focus on the wrong battles. It's such a pet peeve of mine, that I have to first work on my own attitude before I can post anything publicly.

Throwing the Baby out with the Bath Water

We're heading out for a week of vacation. In the meantime, I came across this article that articulates something we do a lot in Christian circles--react so strongly against a particular error that we create a new error in the opposite direction. Balance is a HARD thing. It's only personal humility and the Spirit's illumination that will allow us to see our own errors. I hope this article provokes some thought on the issue.

Cast Your Bread upon the Waters

Ecclesiastes 11
1 Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. 2 Give a portion to seven, or even to eight, for you know not what disaster may happen on earth. 3 If the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves on the earth,and if a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where the tree falls, there it will lie. 4 He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.

5 As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

6 In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

This chapter from Ecclesiastes may or may not resonate with you. For me, it resonates deeply.

Cast your bread on the water. You won’t see the results for a while, but after many days, it will return to you. Give all your portions away, and then give one more portion you didn’t even know you had. The rain will come when it's going to come. The tree is going to fall where it falls. And if you stand around trying to figure out when and where, you’ll never sow your seed or reap the harvest. You cannot figure out My ways no matter how hard you try. So stop over analyzing life. Put your hand to the plow. Sow. I WILL bring harvest—in My time and My ways.

This is a poignant word from God to me. I often feel that I have given all my portions away only to find that I still need to give one more. Many days I catch myself sitting around analyzing the storm clouds in my life to the point that I never sow. And many times I despair because I haven’t yet seen the bread I cast on the water return to me. God’s word to me is to sow my seed in the morning and in the evening as well. I don’t know what will prosper. Maybe one. Maybe another. Or maybe all of it will bear fruit for the kingdom. Regardless—sow my seeds and give away my portions. The bread cast away will find me again after many days.

Mental Battles

I wrote this article for another blog a year or so ago. But I came across it again today and thought it is as true for me as ever. So here it is again.

All my struggles are mental. They may start out as physical issues (like those I encounter with diabetes or sleep deprivation) or relational issues (like tension with a spouse, coworker, or child), but they always end up as mental battles. My success or failure in each circumstance ALWAYS comes down to how I handle it in my head.

My mental battles usually all boil down to fear and fatigue. As a teenager, I was insecure-lacking confidence, anxious, doubting myself. As a single twenty-something, I faced depression-feelings of sadness, guilt, helplessness, and hopelessness-thinking that all hopes for the future hung on getting married and having kids, which I felt powerless to accomplish on my own. As a married thirty-something, I faced depression again-this time after miscarrying and having problems getting pregnant. Once again, I hung my hopes for the future on building a physical family. Of late, I’ve battled insecurity and depression yet again. It doesn’t matter that I have my family, a comfortable home, and a fulfilling ministry at church. I still have mental battles.

This latest round of mental battles has taught me important truths. First and foremost, we CANNOT peg our hopes for overcoming our mental battles on a change in our circumstances.

If only that guy would call me .

If only my husband would do X .

If only I wasn’t so sick .

If only I could lose 10 pounds .

If only they’d offer me a better job .

If only my kids would obey me .

If you rely on circumstantial change to get you out of a mental funk, I’m here to tell you, any mental relief you get will be short-lived. The 2nd thing I’ve learned (and it is tied to the first) is that the answer to fighting mental battles is NOT to work harder to solve your situation or spend more time analyzing your options.

What is the answer? For me, there is ONE THING that helps me mentally. It is to step back and get a view of the big picture-i. e. the character of God and His kingdom purposes for us. God is sovereign, compassionate, and wise. In other words, He’s in control, He loves us, and He knows what He’s doing. When my kids don’t obey me, God still rules over all. When I’m overwhelmed by my inability to do all I need to do, God’s kingdom purposes will still be accomplished. When I’m stressed by conflict with a loved one, God still rules over the hearts of men and His plan to conform us to His image still stands.

God is doing His work. His purposes will be accomplished. But Satan’s lies permeate this world and, often, my mind. So I have to do exactly what Paul told the Corinthians to do in 2 Cor. 10:5.

2 Corinthians 10:5 “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

I love the picture here-I think of it in terms of a rodeo. Picture a big ring with animals of various sizes and strengths haphazardly running around. Then the cowboy walks in with his lasso, ropes an animal, and brings it down. Some are baby calves that are easy to take captive. Others are raging bulls that only come down with fierce, determined strength. By the Spirit’s empowerment, this is my job-lasso in thoughts that don’t jive with God’s Word and make them submit to the truth of Scripture.

The big lie that runs around in my head in various forms is that God isn’t in control, my life is on the verge of going to hell in a hand basket, and if I don’t work fast and take control of everything myself, I’m lost. I must identify that lie and lasso it in. It has to submit to the truth-God is sovereign, He knows what He’s doing, and He is in control of the details of my life. My need isn’t to think fast and do something, but to abide in Him, rest, and wait patiently on Him to work.

What is your big mental battle? Can you identify both the lie and the truth from Scripture that refutes it? If so, please feel free to share it here.