Confusing worry with being responsible

I worry. My excuse is that I’m trying to be responsible. The two aren’t the same. One is good, a trait often praised in Scripture. The other is abject sin—sucking the life out of the one worrying and maiming those around them. In my life, the line between the two is illusive, the one easily bleeding into the other.

I wrote recently on God’s clear conviction in my heart on the issue of worry while on vacation. God showed me in stark terms what my worry cost me. He made it clear that His plan was for me to receive THIS DAY from Him and live within its boundaries—receiving THIS DAY’S good and THIS DAY’s bad. I got the message while on vacation with family. I heard Him, and I responded by His grace. On vacation. But it’s another matter entirely to put it in practice when I get back into the rhythm of my normal life. My home. My marriage. My boys. They need a responsible mother/wife who, like the virtuous wife of Proverbs 31, looks over the affairs of her household, has a plan, and executes it so that they are prepared for adversity. But, oh, I am humbled by how easily my good planning for my family becomes a sin with grievous consequences.

It’s very hard to be prepared for the day of adversity without fearing the day of adversity. And then Christ says something completely counter to my thinking – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) The word for worry is pretty general – it could mean simple concern or thought, or it can mean anxiety or worry. I so often feel that my duty today is the very opposite of this instruction—I feel obligated to think ahead, be concerned about the future, to PLAN. And while planning sounds like an innocent, reasonable thing for a godly woman to pursue, my plans are rarely emotion free. My plans come with emotions—anxiety, care, worry, concern. So I am starting to take Christ much more literally than I ever have before when it comes to this instruction. I am convicted to start limiting my plans to this day. I’ll plan lunch. I’ll plan afternoon activities. I’ll take thought and concern for tomorrow tomorrow. Today, I have thought and concern for this day alone.

The truth that you know as well as I do is that wives, moms, and women in general MUST plan ahead. Our society, our very existence, requires it of us. Enrollment in preschool and kindergarten for my children this fall took place last February. Their clothing and food require planning ahead. And finances for sure benefit from careful planning with an eye toward the future. And yet, when my careful planning morphs into anxiety and worry, I MUST value Christ’s commands in Matthew 6 over my perception of responsible behavior. Responsible planning must be sacrificed if it feeds sinful worry. I have to open my hands and LET GO of my planning and live THIS DAY. And maybe tomorrow, God will grant me the grace to plan in responsible ways without anxiety. But until He does, I must hate my sin enough and trust Him enough with my future to let go of the mental paths that lead to sinful worry.

I praise God that He has not left me as an orphan to figure this all out. Instead, He has given me very specific instructions that free me from feeling like my family’s wellbeing depends on me figuring it all out and planning well ahead.

Matthew 6
25 Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

As counter intuitive as it seems, it is to our great benefit to obey Christ and believe in the value of these instructions. Christ calls us to receive moment by moment His daily (hourly) grace to do His will. Because He has a plan for us over the next 6 hours. And anxiety over next week’s Costco run, next month’s school bill, or next year’s whatever will distract us from what He has for us right now. And He does have something for you RIGHT NOW. Receive today, and don’t worry about tomorrow. You are not being irresponsible by doing so. In truth, obeying Christ on this matter is the most responsible thing you can do.

Legalism in Any Culture

Secular or religious, legalism occurs in unique forms in every culture. Religious legalism involves the belief that salvation or sanctification can be gained through personal good works. Secular legalists judge theirs or others’ conduct by their adherence to particular laws or standards. I was raised in the south. There is southern secular legalism. There is southern religious legalism. I now live in Seattle. And there is much legalism here. It surprised me – leaving southern, religious legalism, I simply did not expect the legalism I’d find in the Pacific Northwest. But it is alive and well in Seattle in particular. In the secular form, there is a strong belief in moral improvement. They may define morality a bit differently than in the south, yet their version of morality is still laudable. Environmental responsibility. Care for the poor. Racial reconciliation. And they are very good at judging others based on how well they adhere to those high standards. But the Pacific Northwest religious legalist is most interesting--and disturbing--of all.

We’re cutting edge. We’re cultural. We have cool music. But we are as legalistic as anyone anywhere. What really separates us in disturbing ways is that we preach against others’ legalisms, picking at the speck in their eyes, with complete ignorance of the beam in our own. Some people are legalists because they value legalism. They want to be moral, and they think they can be moral on their own if they are really diligent at it. That’s fair. Wrong, but fair. But when you, in theory, know from Scripture that you can’t be moral on your own and you can recognize the inept attempts of others to earn their righteousness on their own, and yet you miss it so clearly in your own life, it is the epitome of Matthew 7. And Christ warns against it in STRONG terms. Don’t do this!! Don’t diagnose the problems in others’ lives while missing the ones in your own. It doesn’t work. It’s destructive. Christ warns us against this for a very good reason.

The grand hallmark of all religious legalism is that the legalist never realizes that the greatest threat to his morality is WITHIN HIMSELF. So he (or she) warns against particular elements of culture or the negative influence of certain types of people. He/she (me) doesn’t recognize personal pride as the greater evil that destroys even the isolated one living within strict cultural boundaries. It’s why The Village is such a great commentary on religious legalism. No matter how hard they worked to cut themselves off from the world, they couldn’t protect themselves from the evil within themselves.

Run, friend. Run hard. Run fast. Away from the Christian leader/speaker/preacher who preaches harder against the culture without than the sin within. He or she is leading you astray, and the false sense of accomplishment you get as you “discern” the evils of society will distract you from the sin that will destroy you, the proud self-righteousness within that mocks the cross (because it makes you think you don't need the cross as much as the next guy) and which God despises. Pride destroys. Despise it. Beware of it. Run from it. Diagnose why it invades your psyche. It reveals the worst theological belief system possible – the one that says my greatest enemy is the culture outside the walls of my safety zone. Because in that system, YOU don’t need Christ. THEY do. And that mentality will suck the life out of you. Your good choices won’t save your children. Your involvement in a certain ministry won’t gain you spiritual blessings. Your adherence to your church’s marriage class methods won’t guard your marriage. Your strict book reading guidelines won’t heal you, your spouse, your kids, or your relationships. Your morality won’t save you. Only Christ will. Get it straight. And be very wary of others whose attempts at morality apart from Christ alone distract you from abiding in Him.

My Biggest Regret

Years ago after graduating from Bible college and working in several conservative Christian ministries, I came back home to live. I was nice, diplomatic, and earnest. Looking back, I think the Biblical description is "zeal without knowledge," and I now well understand why the Scriptures warn against it.

In our small country church, I led a teen ministry to local nursing homes and organized a teen choir. When time came for the teen choir to perform in Sunday evening service, I worked to get the presentation just right. I wanted to do our BEST. I wanted to give a great presentation with good harmony in song. That would bring God the greatest glory, right? The subtle undercurrent was that a great presentation would make me look good. It would make me look like someone who really knew what they were doing, trying to bring some excellence to the music program at our small country church.

I had spent years away at Bible college and its various associated camps and ministries, all which emphasized EXCELLENCE. You had to try out for choirs, and only the best made it in. The presentations were awe inspiring, every hair in place, every note exact. And I came to believe that such presentations brought the most glory to God, and we need to do everything to bring glory to God, right?! (I Corinthians 10:31)

Now back to the teen choir in my small country church. We had practice once again right before the evening service in which we were supposed to sing. I made sure those with the best voices were closest to the microphone, and we sounded reasonably good. But RIGHT before service began, a tone-deaf teenage girl ran in late wanting to sing with us. And I refused her. Her mother wanted her to sing too, but I refused her as well (ever so politely). I had been trained to value an excellent presentation. The goal was to bring glory to God, right?! And you can do that best by being as good as you possibly can be, right?! Even refusing to let the tone-deaf girl who missed practice sing even though she REALLY wanted to, right?!

I never saw that girl and her single mom (who probably really needed the fellowship of that congregation) at church again. And I know to this day that my actions put a stumbling block in front of them that they indeed did stumble over. I can’t change it. But I know that in my naïve quest for the glory of God, I denied the thing that gives Him the most glory – the tone-deaf singing of a sinner saved by grace. God may receive minor glory from slick presentations, but it can't compare to the glory He receives from simply saving sinners. People are more important to God than presentations. That’s a no brainer, right? But it wasn’t to me, and I sacrificed a person for the sake of a presentation. I knew as soon as she walked out of the building that I had made a BIG mistake.

I believe strongly that God saves people, not me, and I’m at peace that I am under no condemnation by way of Christ’s death on the cross for me for this incidence. I don’t feel GUILT. But I do feel regret. Most of all I feel firm resolve that I always keep this truth in my mind – God saves sinners and His greatest glory is from the grace He lavishes on them.

Ephesians 1: 4 – 6 “In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”

I pray that I never again pursue a slick presentation at the expense of the heart of an individual. Ministries do it all the time, content to let hurt individuals walk out left and right like they are dead weights holding back the ministry from properly fulfilling God’s mission. No!! Run after the hurt individual. Call them back with grace. Because THAT is God’s glory!

I’ll end with this song by Philips, Craig, and Dean – His Favorite Song of All which is also my favorite song of all.

He loves to hear the wind sing
As it whistles through the pines on mountain peeks
And He loves to hear the raindrops
As they splash to the ground in a magic melody
He smiles in sweet approval
As the waves crash through the rocks in harmony
And creation joins in unity
To sing to Him majestic symphonies

But His favorite song of all
Is the song of the Redeemed
When lost sinners, now made clean
Lift their voices, loud and strong
When those purchased by His blood
Lift to Him a song of love
There's nothin' more He'd rather hear
Nor so pleasin' to His ear
As His favorite song of all

And He loves to hear the angels
As they sing, "Holy, holy is the Lamb"
Heaven's choirs in harmony
Lift up praises to the Great I Am
But He lifts His hands for silence
When the weakest, saved by grace, begins to sing
And a million angels listen
As a newborn soul sings, "I've been redeemed"

Cause His favorite song of all
Is the song of the redeemed
When lost sinners, now made clean
Lift their voices, loud and strong
When those purchased by His blood
Lift to Him a song of love
There's nothin' more He'd rather hear
Nor so pleasin' to His ear
As His favorite song of all

It's not just melodies and harmonies
That catches His attention
It's not just clever lines and phrases
That causes Him to stop and listen
But when any heart set free
Washed and bought by Calvary, begins to sing

That's His favorite song of all
Is the song of the redeemed
When lost sinners, now made clean
Lift their voices, loud and strong
When those purchased by His blood
Lift to Him a song of love
There's nothin' more He'd rather hear
Nor so pleasin' to His ear
As His favorite song of all

Holy, holy, holy is the Lamb
Halleluiah, halleluiah

This Day

Psalms 118
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I am on vacation with family for two weeks. And I have a lot on my mind. Fears for the future. Some immediate like concerns about flying back stuck with two small boys on a 6 hour flight. Some decades away, such as will my boys love Jesus (and me) when they are teenagers? I have unfulfilled desires that hang over my head – things that God tells me to want for His kingdom yet He waits to work to fulfill them. So I sat in a rocking chair in the mountains of North Carolina with my sister that I haven’t seen in 6 months. Worrying. And God said, not quite audibly, but still quite clearly, “Receive THIS day from Me. Take no thought for tomorrow.” And then the angels whispered an obscure Stephen Curtis Chapman song about “This Day” in my ear that I can’t get out of my head now (still singing it a week later -- it's become the theme song for this 2 week vacation).

This day all His mercies are new
This day every promise is true
Father, help me to believe
Give me faith I need to know You
And trust You this day
This day

So I received THIS day from God. I opened my hands and let the worries fly up to Him. It’s His problem, not mine. And I received from Him the gifts of grace for that day – special conversation with my sister. An evening worshiping and reading scripture with my 16 year old nephew. Instead of worrying if my boys would love Jesus when they are 16, I received the gift of God’s grace that my nephew, whom I’ve watched grow up, does love Jesus and His Word and had sincere, thoughtful prayer requests to share. I received the treasure of a lunch with a friend who always points me to Christ despite the many burdens she faces in her own life, another gift of His grace that strengthened me in Him. And all which would have floated right past me if He had not pointed me to put off worrying about the future and receive from Him His grace and mercy for THIS day.

So THIS day, I receive His promises and plans for THIS day. THIS day, I am at peace in Him. And I take no thought for tomorrow, because God says clearly it’s worries are enough for itself. TODAY is the day I am living.

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself."

In trouble with the law since the day (her kids) were born

I got my first driver’s permit the day after I turned 15 (I cried on the DAY I turned 15 because we couldn’t find my birth certificate so I could go the moment the DMV opened – I was that desperate for my license).  I got one ticket in 1993 after 8 years of driving.  I got another one the day Princess Diana died in 1997.  But since then, nothing.  For a DECADE!  I was proud of that. 

Then I had kids.  And since 2008, I have gotten FIVE tickets.  One was a travesty of justice – don’t get me started.  One was for late registration of my vehicle (the first time in 18 years of car ownership that ever happened).  One was from a camera on a traffic signal.  But two were for speeding with my boys in the car.  And one actually had both my boys and the babysitter in the car.  Talk about humbling!

If they don’t come take my license away and I have a chance to redeem myself in the eyes of the law, I know exactly what my problem is.  It’s what my husband calls Agenda Wendy--when I stop being reasonable Wendy and turn into a woman consumed by a cause.  And boy does Agenda Wendy turn ugly troll  when the kids are uncooperative getting in the car, and we are late accomplishing my agenda.  Get out of my way!  My SUV has 6 cylinders, and I am ready to use them all because we are LATE FOR PRESCHOOL.  Then I come to my senses and wonder what the heck just came over me in those moments that I lost all common sense for the sake of my agenda.

An agenda is simply a list of things that need to be done.  And they do need to be done!  I do need to get the kids to preschool, and it’s helpful to everyone if we’re on time.   But preschool schedule doesn’t eclipse the laws of my nation or general safety when driving my children.  It’s happened enough now that I’m seriously examining how I get to that place.  Here is what I’ve seen so far.

Agenda Wendy becomes the Troll often because she didn’t plan ahead.  The days are long gone where she can do what she wants until the last minute and then pull herself together in 20 minutes and hop in the car and pull out the driveway in 15 seconds.  She has a 3 and 5 year old!  And it’s not their fault that they are slow putting on their shoes or uncoordinated with their seatbelts.  THEY are the agenda – loving and training them IS the To Do list for today. 

Agenda Wendy also becomes the Troll because being late anywhere ruins her day.  She gets some sense of accomplishment by making a plan and sticking to it on schedule.  Her desire to be on time, while polite, must take a back seat to safety and loving patience with her children.  She needs to face up to the fact that she hates being late more than she hates speeding because being late makes her look bad to herself and to others.  And her perception of her identity in Christ doesn’t hold up to the feared bad looks she might receive from others.  It’s an identity issue. 

Agenda Wendy gets her guts in a knot when her agenda gets off track and she fears others may look at her badly.  And just getting to the place where others look at her neutrally isn’t enough either.  She wants to look GOOD to others.  She wants to feel good about herself.  When the kids get in her way, watch out. 

I know the truth of my identity in Christ.  I know of God’s gospel grace and how it informs this situation.  On paper.  And yet, once again, I’m reminded that the rest of my life on earth will be figuring out how the gospel changes every nook and cranny of my sin and depravity as God exposes it piece by piece.  Today, it’s how Christ affects my agenda affects my identity affects my kids affects my driving.  Tomorrow, who knows?!   The gospel does indeed change everything, but for a lifetime I will be discovering new things to add to the list of “everything.” That’s sanctification.

Numbers v. Fruit

I am daily tempted to judge my and others’ ministries by an unbiblical notion of spiritual fruit. I feel a ministry is more fruitful if large numbers attend a retreat, check out its blog, buy their book, or attend their services. But the truth from Scripture is that numbers are distinctly different from spiritual fruit. I’m not going to say it’s wrong to be excited over numbers – it’s just wrong to call it FRUIT. Biblical fruit is significantly different.

I get sucked into an earthly mentality of success as easily as anyone. The thing that corrects my thinking time and time again is Jesus’ example. By our fallen notion of fruit and numbers, His ministry was sadly ineffective. He seems content at times to alienate the crowd instead of courting them. He even advocates in Matthew 18 leaving the 99 to pursue the 1! He mainly invests in 12, but most of all in just 3. And when He’s hanging on the cross in His darkest hour, only 1 of the twelve sticks it out with Him. Yet Jesus defines a truly fruitful ministry for us by His example. Paul further clarifies it for us in Galatians 5. Fruitfulness is not numbers; it’s love. It’s not facebook fans; it’s peace. It’s not blog hits; it’s joy. It’s not Sunday attendance or offering totals; it’s patience. The Bible sets the idea of spiritual fruit on a totally different axis than our natural one.

Ministries that get this backwards are like top-heavy trees with minimal root systems. They pursue growth in numbers at the expense of the minority that should become the mature leaders rooted deeply and supporting others.  That kind of tree looks good on the outside but blows over in the storm every time. Such churches/ministries/individuals become willing to sacrifice the 1 for what they perceive will benefit the 99. If one person becomes too much work, they justify cutting them off. They are just dead weight, right? They are holding up progress. But the truth is once you are willing to sacrifice the call to bear long in love with one, you’ll do it with many other ones. And the ones add up. Effective ministry like Christ is successive ministries to ONES. Ministries that cut off the one for the sake of the 99 often miss the fact that over time, the ONES that they cut off start to add up – to something like 99. In the pursuit of ministry to others, they missed the one right in front of them to whom they were first called to minister.   A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, or something like that. 

As a very personal application, a correct view of Biblical fruit frees me to value what goes on day in and day out with my three in my home over the affirmation I get from this blog and my books. I at times feel seduced toward a focus on my outside ministries at the expense of my ministry at home. I get a LOT more affirmation and words of encouragement through the blog than I do from my 3 and 5 year old. Ministry to the ONES in my life is hard and requires forbearing, long-term patience and love. I’m in it for the long haul, and when I’m invested, I have hope of seeing real fruit – the way God defines it – in myself and/or my family.

I must value deep investing in one over minimal investment in 100. I MUST! That’s not to say the other isn’t valuable, but numbers are NOT the fruit of the Spirit. They are not the evidence of God’s work, and you have to deny Scripture to make them so. I often must figuratively leave the 99 to pursue the 1 as God did for me—in faith that God’s vision of fruit is more effective long term than mine.
For a great series on what spiritual fruit really is and how it is accomplished, I recommend the sermon series, New Lives: Fruit of the Spirit.



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Rule Versus Lead

I’m just thinking out loud here. But the more I ponder this Biblically, the more strongly I feel. I stumbled across a blog article that started as a positive shout out to something John Piper said and descended into a complementarian v. egalitarian debate. And the sides weren’t clear. It got all mixed up. One particular comment on the husband’s rule as outlined in the curse of Genesis 3:16 stuck out to me and made me think. Is the husband supposed to RULE the wife?

Huh? Why is that even a question? Why would anyone even ATTEMPT to use that language positively? It’s the CURSE. Didn’t Christ come to redeem us from the curse?! Isn’t oppressive rule by a man a sign of the curse and not redemption? I thought, even as a complementarian, that was obvious.

But that thought when voiced on that particular comment thread was quickly followed with a diminishing of any role in the church and home for men/women and husbands/wives. So can you believe the man is not supposed to RULE his wife (and how can you NOT Biblically?!) and still be a complementarian? I think so. In fact, I have great confidence the more I look at the precise way Scripture talks about husbands and wives IN CHRIST in the New Covenant that we can and must hold to both.

Obviously, in the New Covenant, there remain issues of role and authority. There are limitations on women, if you want to think of them that way. If you can indeed call the limitations placed on Christ or Paul in ministry limitations, then I guess you can call those on women limitations as well. But really, it’s just a call to be like Christ in a specific manifestation of His humility. All are called to love, but the husband is called to give a particular example of love. All are called to submit, but the wife is called to give a particular example of submission. Furthermore, the husband is clearly called the head of the wife as Christ is of the church. So there is definitely still in the New Covenant issues of role and authority. But it must be viewed distinctly different than the curse. In fact, I think it is DEAD WRONG to positively use the terminology of husbands “ruling over” their wives today.

I found it very helpful to simply look up the definition of rule and lead in English dictionaries. Scripture doesn’t use the term LEAD, but when you put together the individual instructions to husbands in the New Covenant, I think this term best sums it up for today’s English speakers.

Rule: to control or direct; exercise dominating power, authority, or influence over; to decide or declare judicially or authoritatively; decree:

Folks, that is clearly in Scripture the CURSE.

Lead: to go before or with to show the way; conduct or escort:

And THAT is the picture Paul paints of marriage in the image of God, particularly in Ephesians 5.

Some may call this semantics, but even so, if semantics was ever important, it is on this point. God calls us through headship and submission in marriage to reflect beautiful, important things about He and His Church. Things about the New Covenantal, redemptive relationship between Christ and His Body. And it is DISTINCTLY DIFFERENT than the curse. May we always note that clearly in our writing. And may we, as complementarians, correct this among ourselves whenever we hear it emphasized incorrectly.