Even So Come Quickly, Lord

I got a call last Thursday that a member of my extended family had been murdered. I won't go into the specifics of who it was out of respect for family who need and deserve privacy. Suffice it to say it was a well loved aunt who had hosted many family gatherings.

I went straight from the funeral Tuesday to the airport to fly home. It wasn't until I got on the plane and things quieted for the long flight that I began to process my thoughts and experiences from the weekend. First of all, I was really proud of my family. I think my aunt and uncle were looking down from heaven quite proud of the way their children handled themselves. Despite the obvious devastation from the worst circumstance life could hand you, they were strong, dignified, and faithful.

But I guess the big thing that rolls through my mind again and again is the striking contrast between the way this loved one lived and died. There was a line out the door of the funeral home the entire time of the visitation. Her casket was abundantly surrounded by beautiful flowers of every kind, including an arrangement complete with skeins of yarn from the yarn shop where she taught crocheting classes. The entire viewing and funeral testified to how much she was loved and appreciated by her family, church, and community. Then, as I admired the outpouring of love, I'd hear words like "murder", "blunt force trauma", and "bond hearing." It remains very hard to reconcile the gentility of her life with the brutality of her death. One of the most striking things was a news clip that showed both her picture with her bright natural smile and a picture of the 17 year old charged with her murder, the look on his face personifying disdain and contempt. While the others charged as accessories after the fact looked scared and remorseful, the alleged murderer gave a look like he'd do it all again given the chance.

It would be wrong of me to portray my family as the paragon of virtue in contrast to the accused. My theology (and personal experience) teaches me that apart from the grace of God, I too am capable of horrible sins against others. But right now, I am processing the external intersection of good and evil, gentility and brutality, faithfulness and depravity that my family experienced this week.

The other thing I noted and am processing is what Larry Crabb calls Self Talk v. Soul Talk. Soul Talk is his term for conversation that seeks to really listen to another and enter their suffering, walking with them through it. In contrast, Self Talkers listen only long enough to figure out what they want to say to reflect the conversation back on them. In one particular news story, a reporter interviewed a neighbor who talked about how bad this was for her--her fears, changes to her lifestyle--with no mention of concern for the family of the one who was lost. Perhaps it was just strategic editing by the reporter, but it came across as incredibly self-centered by someone relatively unscathed by the crime compared to my aunt and her family. But I can't cast stones, for I caught myself doing it at times--thinking of the next thing I wanted to say, interrupting others, and reflecting conversation back on myself instead of really listening to them and then asking follow up questions. I'd like to think that I was mostly a compassionate, good listener, but I remember at least 2 times that I interrupted another person instead of genuinely listening to them. That kind of conversation isn't just rude. Instead, it is sin. It reflects a self-centeredness that is in complete opposition to the humility we see in Jesus.

My final reflection is that I am thankful that I know who my God is, so that these horrible circumstances don't shake my confidence in Him. But it does make me recognize anew that things just aren't right on this earth. The area of the country where I was raised and think of as home is overrun with crime (a woman was stabbed at Cracker Barrel in broad daylight as we ate lunch there Sunday celebrating Father's Day) and murder has touched our middle class, relatively crime-free family twice now in the last 6 years. This place where I was born and raised is messed up, and I am reminded of the Bible truth that this world is not my home. I long in prayer like never before, "even so, come quickly, Lord."

Please pray for my cousins and family. Most are still in shock, and the next weeks will be hardest of all.