Is he the one?

Does your theology dictate how you view either your own journey in finding a spouse (if you're single) or how you encourage your single friends in their journey (especially if you are married)? My experience is that there is often a disconnect between what we say we believe about God and what we believe about finding a spouse. I know this well from my own experience.

When I was 25, I was dating a cowboy from the midwest that I thought for sure I was going to marry. He was a great guy, but in the end, I couldn't do it. I had terrible bouts with anxiety as I considered both moving forward with him toward marriage and breaking up with him and never seeing him again. But in the end, I couldn't make myself go forward no matter how much I prayed and tried.

Then I moved to a new city and started a new job. Suddenly, with no new prospects on the horizon, I sank into depression. I believed I had lost my last chance at happiness. I even had a godly older person say something along those lines to me. I finally mustered up the courage to call the cowboy. He was very kind on the phone, but at that point, he had begun dating the woman he would later marry. I was devastated. I had squandered my last chance at happiness by breaking up with him. Or so I thought.

During the time I was wrestling with myself concering marrying the cowboy, my older sister gave me some advice. She said that I would know if I should marry him. Know?! What does that mean? She just said I would know when it was right. It was a little frustrating because I needed a better definition.

It reminds me now of my first trip to Seattle. My husband and I were intent on seeing Mt. Rainier. But it was cloudy and overcast the first few days of our trip. We looked at the outline of the Cascades. Was that Mt. Rainer? Then we saw the Olympics. Maybe that tallest thing in the middle was Mt. Rainier? Then we went to the Space Needle and asked the tour guide there to show us Mt. Rainier. She looked but said the mountain wasn't out today. A day later, my husband and I were driving south on I-5 heading toward the airport. And suddenly, there it was. "Oooohhhhh. THAT'S Mt. Rainier." When you see it, there is no way on earth you won't recognize it.

When my husband finally entered my life, I didn't have to talk myself into it. I knew.

Two passages come to mind that I would use to encourage women on this issue.

Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I think we can look at this 2nd passage two ways. First, delight in the Lord and He will give you the things you desire. Second, delight in the Lord and He will give you desire for the things He wants you to pursue. Regardless, if we love and pursue God first and foremost, we don't have to be suspicious of our desires. In every avenue, rather than analyzing what we want and why we want it, the exhortation of Scripture is to analyze GOD. Set your mind on Him. Love Him. Delight in Him. And He will give you your desires. He will make your paths straight.

Does your theology match your views of dating? Are you Calvinist on your soteriology but Arminian practically speaking? If you believe in a sovereign God who loves His children and has a good plan for their lives, you don't have to live in fear that you are going to squander your one chance at happiness. You don't have to talk yourself into marrying someone because you are afraid of an empty life if you don't. That is not the character of our Father. Stop striving and rest in Him.