Bust Your Windows

Sometimes, I receive interesting insight from the juxtaposition between life in our fallen world and our simultaneous life in the Body of Christ. I was listening to the song classically titled, Bust a Window, and noted it's portrayal of revenge to the extreme.

I bust the windows out ya car
And no it didn't mend my broken heart
I'll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now I don't care about that part

...
I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when...

You see can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

...
But it don't bring comfort to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until it happens baby you don't know pain

...
You broke my heart
So I broke ya car
You caused me pain
So I did the same

Even though all that you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt yeah
Oh but why am I still cryin'?
Why am I the one whose still cryin'?

Ah, so classic! A precise, though poorly edited, look at betrayal and retribution. It makes sense -- they hurt me, I hurt them. The retribution only brought a brief sense of satisfaction. In the end, she's still crying. Retribution doesn't fix anything.

In contrast, I am reading Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Braun. I love the subtitle of the book, "Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds." The questions are complex, and Chris doesn't shirk away from the really tough questions.

He gives a really great summary of how to go about seeking forgiveness (whether you are the offended party or the offending party -- both are tasked by Jesus with making the first move).

1) Keep the circle small. "Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another's secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end." Prov. 25:9-10

2) Be gracious. "Being gracious means you are willing to grant forgiveness as a gift and you will not demand that the other person first pay a price." (p. 110)

3) No revenge, not even a little.

4) Listen first, and be prepared to ask forgiveness yourself.

5) Take the other person at his word.

6) Choose the time and place carefully.

7) Choose your words carefully.

8) Be patient and have modest expectations.

I was particularly moved and encouraged by Braun's words on numbers 4 and 5.

Forgiveness is seldom one-sided or simple. In a typical conflict, complex circumstances are involved. If you go to another person who has offended you, a good way to begin may be to say, "I have been so troubed by our interaction recently. It has really been on my heart. Have I done something to hurt you?" Then listen! Be humble. Don't react. Keep your cool. And if necessary, ask forgiveness in an unqualified way. p. 110

And

Do not try to determine the motives of another person's heart. If someone says to you, "I am sorry," take him at his word. "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (I Cor. 13:7). p. 111

There is a better way to deal with betrayal than busting a window out their car. Jesus has a way that is centered on and empowered by His sacrifice on the cross. And it brings real transformation. It meets us at the most wounded places in our heart. If you find yourself strugging with bitterness in a complex situation of sin and betrayal, I recommend Unpacking Forgiveness and The Peacemaker by Ken Sande