Isaiah 30:18 (ESV) 18Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.
You are a Christian single woman. You value marriage and children and long to be a godly wife and mother. However, God has not yet fulfilled these desires in your life. Married or single, unfulfilled desire is a lifelong problem. Sometimes we desire things in opposition to God. Dealing with those types of sinful desires is hard, but it pales in comparison to the struggle of dealing with God-given desires that remain unfulfilled. Why would God impress on our hearts the value and worth of a God-centered marriage without also fulfilling that desire by giving us a God-honoring spouse? What should Christian singles do with this unfulfilled desire? What do you do in the waiting?
We are given MANY examples in Scripture of believers on whom God called to wait--Abraham, Sarah, Jacob, Joseph, and Hannah to name a few. Their time of waiting on God’s hand was an integral part of their walk with God. The Bible exhorts us repeatedly to wait patiently for the hand of the Lord to work in our lives. It is human nature to think of periods of waiting as holding patterns with no discernable value. Instead, Scripture teaches that there are great blessings to be had in the actual waiting period.
Isaiah 40:31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Lamentations 3:25 The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!
Waiting is not easy. Our nature is to fret and worry. Instead, God calls us to confidence and peace. Exactly how do we move from anxiety to peace during singleness? First, when you are tormented by loneliness, you need to review what you know to be true about God and then take your thoughts captive and make them submit to the truth.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (ESV) We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,
What do you know of the character of God? In a nutshell, God is sovereign, wise, and compassionate.
Isaiah 46:9-11 (ESV) 9remember the former things of old;for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, 10declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,' 11calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.
Romans 16:27 (ESV) to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen.
Psalm 103:13 (ESV) As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
God is in charge, He knows what He’s doing in your life, and you can trust that He has not lost control of your circumstances. Not only does God know what He’s doing, His plan for your life reflects both His all-surpassing wisdom and His fathomless love for you. His plan is good and right, and you can TRUST Him with the details of your life.
Secondly, you must avoid the pitfall of comparing yourself with your sisters in Christ who are dating, engaged, or happily married. They didn't get married because they have it all together, and God does not ask you to wait because you are unworthy to get married. The Bible says simply that such comparisons are NOT WISE. If you must compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to Christ. There is NO other standard of righteousness in our Christian lives. Of course, we thank God for women who are examples of godliness to us, but we do NOT use them as our standard of righteousness. They are not the standard to which we must measure. We measure ourselves by Christ’s standard of righteousness, to which we all fall short.
2 Corinthians 10:12 We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.
Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Romans 8:29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
1 Timothy 6:6-8 6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.
Philippians 4:11-13 11Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Paul is a funny one to talk on contentment because his life was a mess. Not only did Paul have no spouse, no children, no steady income, and no home, he was often imprisoned, beaten, and even shipwrecked. But, somehow, he had learned to overcome in "all circumstances." He was lonely, distressed, and oppressed, but never crushed or in despair. Paul always had hope, and that hope was NOT that God was going to change his circumstances on earth. Paul’s hope was that his relationship with Christ was secure, his inheritance in heaven was certain, and that, in between, God was trustworthy with the details of his life. Paul was able to be content in the hard circumstances as well as the times of plenty because he had great confidence in the power of Christ. Paul was consistent this way. In virtually every instruction Paul gives in his epistles—to husbands, to wives, to slaves, to the church in general—the backdrop is the gospel and our sufficiency in Christ. Jesus is the Vine and we are the branches (John 17). He is the Head and we are His Body (Ephesians 5, Colossians 2). He is the Bridegroom and we are His Bride (Ephesians 5). Your only hope for overcoming with joy in the circumstances surrounding singleness is finding your hope, your worth, and your identity in Jesus Christ. The good news is that this will also be your only hope for overcoming with joy in marriage, child rearing, times of plenty, times of want, and any future circumstance as well.
The mental battles we face when single are not specific to just single life. Many of your Christian sisters face similar emotional struggles with spouses, children, jobs, homes, cars, family relationships, and so forth. Even the struggle with loneliness will not be alleviated simply by a change in circumstances. Have you ever been in a relationship and still felt lonely? The godliest of spouses will not be able to satisfy the deep longing in your soul for relationship.
Psalms 73 25Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 26My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. /blockquote>
God is the only hope you have for satisfaction. Does your hope for contentment rest on any other desire than the desire to know God? What circumstance do you need God to change in order for you to be content? However you answer that question, you must examine that desire because it can quickly become or may already be an idol. God is quite jealous for His own glory and does not tolerate idolatry at any level. Thankfully, His jealousy is for our good as well as His glory, for when our affections are set first upon and satisfied fully in the Name of God, only then will we know true contentment, peace, and satisfaction.
If you are in this stage of life, I am so sorry for the loneliness you likely deal with most days of your life. Going to bed each evening and waking up each morning alone is a very hard thing. If you would like to leave your name and a bit of your story on the comment board, I will pray for you specifically as you wait on God with the Psalmist.
13 comments:
I'm only 21, and about a year ago I felt God's call on my life to be a foreign missionary, and through that (it was difficult for me at the time) I finally surrendered everything in my life to him. I've realized that if I am going somewhere dangerous, which I might be, this may also be a call to singleness. I used to make marriage/family into an idol, but I've found that they are no longer the desires they used to be in my heart. I don't know what the future holds, but I do want to always remain content in my singleness for as long as God sees fit, especially as I get older and everyone in my life marries off.
Thanks for sharing that, Veronica.
I have wanted to be married since I was 12. I even have my kids' names picked out! Thanks for this post...as I face the big 4-0 this year, my contentment is growing.
Heidi
Thank you for writing this. My heart and desire for marriage and children is only recent (the last couple of years or so). God is really changing and shaping me to be in a closer relationship with him. I've struggled with loneliness most of my life in one form or another and it wasn't until I sought Jesus as my comfort and identity that I began to experience the peace and contentment in the season of singleness that God is calling me to live right now. Your article was a refreshing reminder of that call and peace. Thank you again.
I am not facing being single, God has given me my husband. But now I am stuck weary as I wait patiently on the Lord to bless us with a child. We lost a pregnancy 9 months ago when I was 4 months along. The verses shared here are really encouraging. I thank the author for sharing these with so many woman searching for strength when facing difficulties.
I am a 30 year old single christian virgin woman! I know that God has a very special plan for my life and can see the path he has me on already. I have always wanted to work with children who have been abused/neglected and with those who are oppressed...giving a voice to those who have none. It seems that so far, God has opened up so many opportunities to get involved in social justice, community action, and most recently learning therapy in Grad School. So,,,I feel like life is so full, I don't always even think about being in a relationship.
Most of the time, I am content in the Lord. Of course, I do at times think it would be nice to share life and relationship with a strong Christian man. Lonliness comes and goes. God has and is blessing me in so many ways. I think if he provided a godly man in my life, it would only be an extra blessing.
I have experienced relationships with men that didn't progress once the guy found out I wouldn't sleep with him or if I make myself available to get to know the other person...then once they realize I am interested, and the chase is over...they are gone! So common for many ....really. So, although it is not always easy, I guess I feel like I'm on an adventure called "Life" with God. I know that I am worth waiting for.
I am 23 and ready to be married. My boyfriend is not ready/unsure of God's will. I believe God wants us to be married. We are both Christian. it is very difficult and painful to wait for him but i am trying to trust in God
Here is a great link. An article about the 'elephant in the room'... I am now 46 and still waiting... the verses supplied on this site have been a comfort over the years as I watched all my friends marry and have families - but now they are less so. The bible also says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick"...
As a Christian single, I found all of this sort of advice to be worthless in real life, and the daily struggle led me to see that the "promises" made in the Bible are complete bunk. I left the faith, pursued my natural sexual desires, and have never been happier.
That's too bad, Anonymous. We fault God because He promises unimaginable things on His timetable instead of providing predictable things on our timetable. We wait impatiently for God to provide less than what He intends to. We walk away because we want improvement when what He wants to give us is newness. There is a happier than the happy you have now. Yet it's not to be fully experienced apart from Him.
At 29years old and having accomplished great academic success, I find myself battling loneliness and fear frequently. My Christian roots go deep because of the obedience my parents demonstrated when raising their family to acknowledge, accept, fear and love God outlined in the Bible. However, as of late, it has been difficult to call upon the Word hidden in my heart regarding God's promises for those that "walk upright before Him". I do have a strong desire for marriage and family-it seemed so easy attaining my educational degrees but this area of my life has proven very difficult and impossible at times. I have a great desire to allow God to "send me" His choice but at times I feel overlooked and thus want to take matters into my own hands. Recently, one of my older siblings, who is trying to lose weight, said some thing that caught my attention. She said, "Lord, I SURRENDER my appetite to you". This phrase reverberated throughout my spirit and thus I began to pray as such, "Lord, I SURRENDER my desire for marriage and family to you". Even though it is still hard on a daily basis, I am happy in the knowledge that I have given this part of my life over to God for Him to sort out; I feel a bit lifted from the weight of "getting it done" by myself. Thanks for the post above; I was very encouraged and surprised that someone was able to see into my heart and put it into words:-)
Charmayne, thank you for sharing your heart here. I pray that you sense God's good hand upholding you daily in the waiting.
Thank you for this post. I am 24, still young I know, but I have found myself worried. Today I was moved by a sermon by my pastor at my church, about finding contentment in our lives. I know I've pushed away good men because maybe my desires for marriage have been too strong, and obviously they can sense that. I also am aware of the fact that marriage will not make me happy. Therefore, I want to find happiness in my life now as it is and develop a strong relationship with Jesus before I am in a serious relationship with a man. All that I struggle with now, I know I will continue to struggle with, married or single, therefore it is best to face things now and learn to find content in joy no matter my circumstances. This skill will come in handy in married life as well I am pretty sure! God wants me to stay single for now. I don't know for how long. Sometimes it frightens me and sometimes I am okay with the idea. It's a roller coaster. I'd appreciate prayer that I hear God's calling and understand His will and find joy in it. Thank you again for this post. I am excited i ran into it! Looking forward to reading more! :)
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