Reforming Female Sexuality Part 2

This is the second part of this series (both excerpts from By His Wounds You Are Healed).

As I said in the last (post), I believe that sexual sin is an area many Christian women struggle in silence. If you do not struggle with it personally, be thankful, but also recognize that you likely have a close friend who does, albeit in silence and shame. From the soft-core porn of romance novels to hard-core online websites and videos, there is a wide breadth of opportunity for women to participate in sexual sin, with or without a partner. Even though I spent a long time in the last chapter defining the terms that Paul is using, I do not think I need to focus attention on convicting you or others of their sexual sin. Instead, I think many women are well convicted already and are stuck in the cycle of shame and guilt, hiding their past in great fear of being found out for their sexual history. I am going to take time in this chapter to apply the whole of what we have learned in Ephesians up to this point to the specific area of sexual sin.

There are many diverse ways we can be sexually immoral. But I’d like to focus on the overarching sin that feeds sexual addictions because I believe that understanding the foundation of such sin is our hope for dealing with it successfully for the long term. The foundational sin to which I am referring is the sin of idolatry.

Colossians 3:5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

We talked in the last chapter about how Paul links sexual sin to covetousness. He does the same in Colossians 3, adding the additional qualifier of idolatry. The sin of idolatry is clearly seen when you analyze trends among those who successfully conquer one addiction only to move on to another. An article in a recent popular magazine included interviews with several women who had surgery to reduce their stomach size to help them deal with severe obesity. Though each lost significant weight, the point of the article was that they all moved on to excessive behavior in another realm. One became a compulsive shopper, another a gambling addict, and so forth. Some studies indicate that upwards of 30 percent of compulsive eaters that have stomach stapling or lap band surgery transfer their addictions to some other substance.

For believers struggling with sexual sin and addiction, the same transference of addiction can happen. Several friends of mine have told me of overcoming sexual addiction only to realize brand new struggles with gluttony, compulsive shopping, or perfectionism. Their sexual sin was a symptom of something deeper going on in their hearts. They may have managed to stop particularly shameful sexual behavior, but they replaced it with something that, while perhaps more respectable, was still equally controlling of them in place of God.

The true condition of their heart was that they simply were not satisfied in God. They did not understand the wealth of their inheritance in him or the power at work on their behalf. They were not so thirsty for Him that the inferior satisfaction of other things lost their attraction to them. When they had a longing in their heart, they turned to food, shopping, obsessive compulsive cleaning, pornography, romance novels, or you name it. When we turn to these other things, they become addictive because they cannot satisfy long term. You can drink a gallon but only get a teaspoon of gratification. So you do it more and more trying to pursue that fleeting moment of satisfaction, rest, or peace.

What do you do if you feel stuck in the cycle of sin, shame, and guilt? First, examine yourself, for we often confuse worldly sorrow that only leads to death with godly sorrow over our sins, which leads to repentance.

I Corinthians 7:10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

Worldly sorrow is characterized by feelings of shame and pain that you got caught or hopelessness over ever being cleansed from your sin, and it is only relieved by someone else doing something for you or you doing something for yourself (someone affirming you, someone or something distracting you, you manipulating how others think of you, etc.). In contrast, godly sorrow is sorrow that directs you to Christ. You do not need someone else to do something for you. You do not need to do something for yourself. Instead, you fall flat on your face before God alone, for godly sorrow points you directly to Him. Godly sorrow is relieved by repentance and faith in what Christ has already done for you.

Many of us spend years of our lives mistaking worldly sorrow on a wide range of sin issues for authentic repentance and then wonder why we never change. Feeling bad about what you have done is not the same as a godly sorrow that leads to repentance. This is an important place to examine ourselves.

The journey from sin to restoration is a deeply personal walk that begins with an intimate relationship with Jesus. We know Him. We cry out to Him. He meets us in our need with forgiveness through His death on the cross. Then we journey with Him through this process. Eventually, this walk of repentance and restoration includes confession and reconciliation to those we have wronged.

If you find yourself in this place, I encourage you to go back to Paul’s prayer at the end of Ephesians 1 and personalize it for yourself. “God, open my eyes that I may know you better. Enlighten me to all You have accomplished for me on the cross and the sustaining hope I can have in Christ. I need to understand my inheritance in you. Help me make use of the awesome power of the resurrection at work in me because my sin seems so powerful over me.” God has poured His wrath out on Christ in your place. Instead of wrath, God offers you forgiveness and cleansing through Jesus. We are WASHED in Jesus’ blood. Washed. Cleansed. Purified. Think what it means when you wash away the grime after a day of hard exercise or work. God has scrubbed us in Christ’s blood and washed our sin and stain AWAY. Just as the dirt pours off us and flows down the drain never to be seen again, God has washed away our sin and guilt. We smell clean and look clean because WE ARE CLEAN.

1 Corinthians 6:11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Sister in Christ who struggles with her sexual history, enter God’s throne room now by the blood of Jesus Christ and look to Him to wash you clean. By His wounds, you are healed.