I got my first driver’s permit the day after I turned 15 (I cried on the DAY I turned 15 because we couldn’t find my birth certificate so I could go the moment the DMV opened – I was that desperate for my license). I got one ticket in 1993 after 8 years of driving. I got another one the day Princess Diana died in 1997. But since then, nothing. For a DECADE! I was proud of that.
Then I had kids. And since 2008, I have gotten FIVE tickets. One was a travesty of justice – don’t get me started. One was for late registration of my vehicle (the first time in 18 years of car ownership that ever happened). One was from a camera on a traffic signal. But two were for speeding with my boys in the car. And one actually had both my boys and the babysitter in the car. Talk about humbling!
If they don’t come take my license away and I have a chance to redeem myself in the eyes of the law, I know exactly what my problem is. It’s what my husband calls Agenda Wendy--when I stop being reasonable Wendy and turn into a woman consumed by a cause. And boy does Agenda Wendy turn ugly troll when the kids are uncooperative getting in the car, and we are late accomplishing my agenda. Get out of my way! My SUV has 6 cylinders, and I am ready to use them all because we are LATE FOR PRESCHOOL. Then I come to my senses and wonder what the heck just came over me in those moments that I lost all common sense for the sake of my agenda.
An agenda is simply a list of things that need to be done. And they do need to be done! I do need to get the kids to preschool, and it’s helpful to everyone if we’re on time. But preschool schedule doesn’t eclipse the laws of my nation or general safety when driving my children. It’s happened enough now that I’m seriously examining how I get to that place. Here is what I’ve seen so far.
Agenda Wendy becomes the Troll often because she didn’t plan ahead. The days are long gone where she can do what she wants until the last minute and then pull herself together in 20 minutes and hop in the car and pull out the driveway in 15 seconds. She has a 3 and 5 year old! And it’s not their fault that they are slow putting on their shoes or uncoordinated with their seatbelts. THEY are the agenda – loving and training them IS the To Do list for today.
Agenda Wendy also becomes the Troll because being late anywhere ruins her day. She gets some sense of accomplishment by making a plan and sticking to it on schedule. Her desire to be on time, while polite, must take a back seat to safety and loving patience with her children. She needs to face up to the fact that she hates being late more than she hates speeding because being late makes her look bad to herself and to others. And her perception of her identity in Christ doesn’t hold up to the feared bad looks she might receive from others. It’s an identity issue.
Agenda Wendy gets her guts in a knot when her agenda gets off track and she fears others may look at her badly. And just getting to the place where others look at her neutrally isn’t enough either. She wants to look GOOD to others. She wants to feel good about herself. When the kids get in her way, watch out.
I know the truth of my identity in Christ. I know of God’s gospel grace and how it informs this situation. On paper. And yet, once again, I’m reminded that the rest of my life on earth will be figuring out how the gospel changes every nook and cranny of my sin and depravity as God exposes it piece by piece. Today, it’s how Christ affects my agenda affects my identity affects my kids affects my driving. Tomorrow, who knows?! The gospel does indeed change everything, but for a lifetime I will be discovering new things to add to the list of “everything.” That’s sanctification.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
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10 comments:
Fabulous. Simply fabulous. Women everywhere need to remember this daily.
Thank you.
Aimee'
(Not sure how to post as my name as I am new to the whole tech/blog ID thing.)
You should try homeschooling, my friend. Kids messing up the agenda and image 24-7. And don't forget the plethora of "experts" who write books about how you're doing it wrong and messing them up for eternity. Talk about opportunities to mind the gap between faith and action! After 8 years, I'm starting to understand why God put this on our hearts in the first place: He wanted to change me, not create uber-children. Humility, forgiveness, dependence, grace. Oh, how I need Him every hour!
"He wanted to change me not create uber-children.". Love it and Amen.
"I’m reminded that the rest of my life on earth will be figuring out how the gospel changes every nook and cranny of my sin and depravity as God exposes it piece by piece."
So true and so timely.
I try hard to focus on the cost.....that helps.
I shudder when I recall driving a car load of teens to camp and blithely driving above the speed limit and can only weep in thankfulness that God's grace kept us safe. I will Never do that again. To think of having to face their parents had their been an accident.
God brings this to my consciousness a lot these days. I am a good driver...but He wants me to be the best.
Thank God for our local and global body of believers to fight the lie that we're alone in our struggles as women! The enemy wants to isolate us and make us feel "less than," especially within the church and in comparison to other women. Blogs like these and friendships at home with other Christian women are so important in reminding us to be humbled when we think we're doing ok and to remind us of the glorious grace and preeminence of Christ when we think we're doing worse than everyone else in our day to day living.
How timely (pun intended)! It is 9:56 and I am only just now getting to work. This morning it was as if everything the kids were involved in slowed the rotation of the earth. I, too, believe I can wait until the last minute to get ready, throw everything and everyone into the car, and leave in a flash. And next week when the kids go to school for the first time (we have homeschooled until now), the scenario will be amplified. Thank you for this note which reminds me to focus on training and loving the children and not my agenda.
Well said! I can identify with Agenda Wendy! I am a real crank in the mornings because I have a schedule and we MUST keep it at ALL costs. I really need to work on that. Thank you!
I grew up living the adage: "If you're not ten minutes early, you're late"...so I get this.
~Agendiane :)
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