My 20th Class Reunion and the Gospel

Who are you? How do you describe yourself to others? For what do you want to be known? And in the stillness when no one else is around, how do you view yourself? If you are like me, you have likely spent much of your life trying to figure out who you are and what purposes and accomplishments will give meaning to your life. Since I was a young child, I have watched others’ responses to things I say and do. Their reactions often determined how I would act next. As I grew up, I admired from afar those who seemed comfortable in their own skin with the confidence to act as they were convicted rather than react in light of others’ actions toward them. Nowhere was this more obvious than my years of high school. I was classically insecure—constantly tweaking my appearance and personality to conform to the popular people—then withdrawing altogether when I could not figure out the magic formula for changing my image with either my peers or myself.

The problem, of course, was I was trying to conform to the wrong image. This was highlighted clearly to me as I prepared for my 20th high school reunion. Despite all the life-lessons learned and maturity gained in the last two decades, I found myself falling back into the same old patterns of insecure thinking as I contemplated what it would take to make me walk back into the small town country club where I experienced my last painful high school dance. I joined a gym months in advance so I could lose the baby fat that clings to me two years after the birth of my son. If I was going to return to the scene of the crime, I wanted to be svelte when I did so. But after 5 months of faithful exercise, I hadn’t lost a pound. I searched dress stores for the perfect outfit that would reflect the perfect image. My husband finally told me to just be myself and wear the kind of clothes that I am normally comfortable in. And that really scared me. Wear my usual style of clothes? Don’t try to project something about myself that isn’t true? But that leaves me exposed! I’m a bit heavy and most comfortable in jeans and a black shirt. I won’t impress anyone that way.

And I started to listen to myself. I sounded like an insecure teenager trying to determine her outfit for her senior prom. Am I really that dependent on my DRESS to prop me up to meet these people I haven’t seen in twenty years? Don’t I have anything better than that on which to rely?

During this season of contemplating my reunion, I also began a study of Ephesians. I had read through it many times before and heard several sermon series on it as well. But this time was different. This time, I was aware of my insecurities in a way I had not been before, and I was deeply moved by what I read. Ephesians defines my identity and security in Christ. It tells me in detail of the real benefits I have as a daughter of God. It shows me how these benefits equip me to reclaim my identity in Christ and to be like Him. And it draws a straight line from all these gospel truths to the heart of my insecurities today. It shows me how to walk into my 20th class reunion as a secure woman who knows who she is in Jesus. For me, this study has been priceless.

Equipping me to face the mental battles attached to my class reunion is just one small way the good news of Ephesians has changed me. The gospel should transform how I think about everything. But what about you? Back to my opening question in this post, who are YOU? What triggers your insecurities? To what do you look to define your worth and establish your identity? Is it your degree? Did the bottom drop out from under you when you lost your high-status job in your field of choice? Is it your husband? Does your daily happiness depend on his affirmation and approval of you? Is it your children? Do you feel pride over their successes and shame over their failures? Raising my children has exposed my insecurities at an entirely new level. To what are you looking for your identity and security? I believe that you, like I, will find answers to these questions in the gospel that will sustain you for a lifetime. Ephesians 1:1-2:10 is a good place to start.