2 Cor. 10:12 "...But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." (ESV)
If ever there was a nugget of wisdom in Scripture on which I need to daily meditate, this is it! This has been a battle for me all my life--finding my value (or lack of it) by comparing myself to the talents and blessings of others around me. But never have I needed it quite like I do right now, raising my 2 boys.
My boys have developed slowly. They are usually months behind suggested developmental milestone at each stage--slow to crawl, slow to walk, slow to talk, slow to potty train. And you know what? I'm okay with that--as long as we're at home and no one else's kids are around.
I enjoy my boys. We have fun, and I understand their broken language. But when we get out in public, at preschool or playdates with friends, things change in my mind. That's when the comparisons start. Her kids know all of the OT Bible stories? They can clearly sing the ABC song and get all the letters right? Her son is fully potty trained already?
The worst is when my friends' younger kids can hold conversations with me involving several connected thoughts. My oldest is definitely not there yet. Then I start wondering--did I let them watch too much Baby Einstein? Is it because I didn't follow through with baby sign language? Where did I fail them?
During a recent play date, a friend's youngest daughter, not quite two, communicated a fairly complicated thought to me. My wise friend could see the wheels turning in my head. I was stunned at how well this little one articulated her thoughts. My friend looked at me in the eyes and said, "Don't compare." She knew my heart well.
The gospel teaches me that while I have likely failed my children in many ways, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Furthermore, I'm not to determine my successes or failures by comparing myself to my sisters in Christ. In that paradigm, I have succeeded if my boys can recite the story of Jonah by age 3 and failed if they interrupt grownups without saying excuse me. In the gospel paradigm, the only person to whom I compare myself is Jesus. Here, I've failed in every way. But God has made a way for me to be renewed.
Instead of judging myself on how my children rank with their peers, I seek to conform to Jesus' standard, which is quite different. Jesus loved unconditionally, took time for His personal relationship with God and yet gave up Himself in every other way. He was welcoming to the outcasts of society, children in particular. He was gentle with the weak and patient in his teaching. He didn't measure the worth of His ministry by comparing His disciples to others. Honestly, at the end of Jesus' 3 years of ministry, His disciples did not seem particularly well prepared. They didn't understand the coming crucifixion. All deserted Him during His suffering. Who would have thought they would change the world as they did after His ascension?
The gospel frees me from comparison child-rearing. But it also binds me to a far tougher standard--one that I can't possibly keep on my own, but which I'm learning to keep in Christ. The most important things my boys need from me is humility, repentance, and I Corinthians 13 style love. Bathe me in yourself, Lord Jesus, for apart from you, I can do nothing (John 15).
2 comments:
I loved this post, as I have always struggled with comparing, but I've never considered 2 Cor 10:12 in relation to my comparing. Thanks for sharing this nugget. I love that comparing myself to the only one to whom I ought to compare myself- Jesus- only brings me to His feet in utter humility because I cannot compare to Him! And when I come to His feet and behold Him, there is freedom and power and He does transform me! What a great God! 2 Cor 3:17-18 "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is "the Spirit."
Comparing, like the poor, will be with us always. You are right that we need to compare ourselves with the right Person and seek His help in places where we fail to measure up. The requirement for being the best parent you can be, like anything else, is being the best Christian you can be. You've probably heard the saying that more is caught than taught. Not that teaching isn't important but often "your walk talks louder than your talk talks." to quote a favorite song. The most important thing our sweet boys can learn is obedience...immediate and without question. As they learn to obey you they will learn ultimately to obey
God...immediately and without question. They won't...and don't always need to...understand why. They just need to obey "because it is right." (Eph.6:1) just like we must obey our Heavenly Father. You know we are praying for you and Andy as you raise Luke and Ethan. We have a vested interest! :)
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