In defense of homeschooling, homebirthing moms

This isn’t really about homeschooling, homebirthing moms but about the misplaced stratifications in Christian circles that even consider them a subcategory. My post on Equipping Women for Gospel Centered Lives hit a nerve. As a follow up to it, I want to explore tensions between women at different stages of life or even in the same stage of life and how the gospel equips us for something better than defensiveness when we are different. After teaching a session at a women’s retreat, a young mom with several children, all home birthed, shared with me how she has learned to keep her mouth shut about her good experience with birthing her children at home. Inevitably, her sharing seemed to put others on the defensive, and she couldn’t figure out how to be honest about her good experience without offending. So she learned to just keep it to herself.

I have struggled with such discussions. I had two c-sections after complicated diabetic pregnancies, followed by a week in the hospital with newborns with low blood sugars needing more milk than I could supply. It undermined my ability to breastfeed, and try as I might, I never caught up with my milk supply. I would have loved to have a less invasive birth experience, but the realities of my health issues in this fallen world made that impossible. In perfection, I imagine Eve would have had Cain and Able at home in the garden without complication. It is a good goal, and I admire, even encourage, those who feel equipped to follow that path. But how do we live in the tension between great goals and earthly realities?

First, we have to remember that Scripture is sufficient in its commands. It is sufficient in all it declares good, and it is sufficient in all it declares evil. If someone is pressuring you to conform to a standard that Scripture does not command, I think it’s okay to stop them and say, “I’m feeling that you think your choice is more moral than mine, and I feel pressure to conform to a standard that Scripture doesn’t prescribe.” If you say that lovingly and politely, the response you get back will be telling. They may very well feel that their choice IS more moral, and hopefully you will have opened their eyes to a problem in how they view choices that Scripture does not specifically command. If they are in Christ, they are more likely to realize that they worded their thoughts poorly and will correct themselves to be encouraging without attaching moral superiority to it. I had a friend go on and on about how wonderful breastfeeding had been for her. She stopped herself in the middle and clarified to me a correct view of the gospel and breastfeeding. She didn’t want to NOT be able to share with me, her good friend, the value she saw in breastfeeding. I appreciated her clarification and enjoyed talking with her about it. With the gospel in its proper place, the conversation ended up being HELPFUL to me, a poor breastfeeder, without being CONDEMNING.

Second, those of us who feel defensive need to lay down our swords and examine exactly why we feel defensive. The underlying foundation of a defensive stance is that you feel insecure. Many, many times, we get defensive not because someone is attacking us, but because they hit a point that nailed us in our insecure places. Breastfeeding, homeschooling, home birth, parenting techniques, courting, dating, husbands, work, clothing, organic food, you name it (I actually heard of a women’s retreat in which making your own organic foods was upheld as the morally superior choice for Christian homemakers). Have you personally wrestled with God and His Word to the point you are confident in Him in your choices? If so, you will be secure. You need to know who you are in Christ and what He has called you to be and do in the circumstances you find yourself. This will come from ONE singular place – personal prayer and Bible study. If you rely simply on your peer group to determine your convictions, you will always be constrained by what they think of you. You need a superior authority on which to rely when you are not at peace with other’s social pressure. That superior authority is God and His Word.

God does declare some things morally superior. So don’t interpret my words as a work around for things God has commanded in clear terms. But, WOW, do we Christians name a lot of things as morally superior in a way that Scripture never does. The answer is to know what Scripture says clearly, and submit to those things. For everything else, seek God’s wisdom to make the choices He has for you in your particular circumstances. This will free you from insecurity and defensiveness and equip you to love (and hear) your sister who is convicted differently.