Something Better Than Coping Mechanisms for Dealing with Depravity

Truer words were never spoken. Here is R. C. Sproul in his overview of the Pauline epistles, speaking on the theme of Ephesians.

“Oh the regeneration we have that creates spiritual life! Before, life was simple—we only served one master. But now we have a war going on in our members between the old man and the new man, between the spiritual man and the man of flesh. I can’t stand it when I hear preachers say, ‘Come to Jesus and all your problems will be over.’ My life didn’t START being complicated until I became a Christian. Because now I know that war, and when you enter that war as a Christian you sign up for the duration until you enter into glory.”

Before we came to Christ, we had depravity and coping mechanisms for dealing with depravity. In Christ, we have something significantly better—a new man with new life. The battle for the rest of our lives is letting God’s plan for what man and woman were intended to be in perfection, created in His image, overcome the coping mechanisms we’ve adopted for dealing with ours and other’s depravity. This happens through our organic union with Christ and all the spiritual benefits Christ has purchased for us on the cross.

This battle between the old and the new, between coping mechanisms for dealing with sin verses embracing God’s vision for what we look like in the safety of the Garden, is particularly relevant to me when I think of some of the more controversial words to women in Scripture, particularly the command in Ephesians for wives to submit to their husbands. Submission in a depraved world is HARD, often UNFAIR, and regularly OPPRESSIVE. Some of us despise the idea of submission out of simple pride. We think we make better decisions than our husbands. But the harder truth is that there have been and still are many, many men who physically, verbally, emotionally, and/or sexually abuse women. It is clear in Scripture. It is clear in secular historical writings. And it is clear in the headlines of today’s newspaper. Women have rightly learned that those men cannot be trusted with authority over them.

We need a correct perspective on why our experience tells us it is not safe or smart for a woman to submit to her husband and why the thing to which Paul is calling us in Ephesians 5 is radically different. The key is that it was the FALL OF MAN and not God’s created order itself that brought about the enmity between man and woman. People who do not know Jesus can only see this issue from the perspective of depravity. They only see what is wrong with relationships between men and women, and they cling dogmatically to the mechanisms of self-preservation they have learned over the years. But Paul calls us to look at the relationship between men and women as God intended it to be in perfection (he specifically refers back to creation in similar teaching in I Corinthians 11 and 1 Timothy 2). In Ephesians 1-4, Paul has already shown how Christ’s death on the cross has purchased our redemption and begun the process of restoring us to the image of God in which we were created. Now he calls on us, male and female, to begin reflecting in our homes, not coping mechanisms for dealing with depravity, but a way of living that echoes what God intended in the perfection of his creation of man and woman.

In light of this, what does marriage that is IN CHRIST between IMITATORS OF GOD look like? Paul describes it in depth in Ephesians 5. We must include in this piece of teaching the last phrase from the previous section—which is mutual submission. The command to wives to submit in Ephesians 5:22 doesn’t even actually include the word submit—it is built on the last phrase, “submitting to one another out of reference for Christ.” So we have to frame our understanding of 5:22 on 5:21 to which it is intimately tied.

Mutual, sacrificial love is the hallmark of those who are imitators of God, putting on the image of Christ through the power of our spiritual inheritance in him. At times, my husband submits his will to mine. At times, I submit my will to that of my children. And those times are not cop-outs or signs of weakness of the authority figure. Rather, it reflects the humility that Christ has called all of us too. My children want one thing. I want something else. I could insist on my own way, but as often as possible, I choose to submit my desires to theirs out of love for them that reflects the character of Christ to them. Sometimes, my children’s desires conflict with mine in a way that I cannot compromise, and they submit to my will as their God given authority. Similarly, in those particular conflicts between a husband and a wife in which both parties hold strong differing views, God calls on the wife to submit her will.

What if your husband really does have poor decision-making skills? Note that this is not about reflecting something about our husband—Ephesians 5:24 indicates this is about reflecting something about Christ and His church. There is something about submitting our will in peace and not by compulsion that reflects the cross and our spiritual inheritance. In Christ, we no longer must strive. The fate of the world or even just my little family does not depend on me either boldly taking charge or subtly manipulating. Maybe you do make better decisions than your husband. But that is irrelevant to God’s purposes here. His purposes for your marriage extend WAY past the earthly cares that tend to divide us. Christ has made effective promises about what he can and will accomplish on our behalf—and when we submit our will and agenda to the imperfect authorities in our lives, we are reflecting trust not in them, but in HIM.

The battle between our old ways of dealing with our sin and other’s sins against us and this new thing of being conformed to the image of Christ and reflecting His relationship with His church in our home will be a lifelong struggle. It’s complicated. But cling to the vision of the perfection and safety of the Garden and know He is calling you back to that again. Make choices in faith toward what He is calling you TO, not in light of what He is rescuing you from.